2014 had been an eventful year for me. It was different from 2013 when there was more action in ministry. I was much busier last year, especially the second half of the year. This year, I could see the action winding down as The Lord slowly led me out of care group ministry. It seemed like God is saying to me 'This season is a designated season of rest from ministry work so you just rest. Don't get involved or sucked in again. I took great pains to bring you out of it, so don't go back there. Don't even look back. Just move on. If you don't let go and keep letting yourself be burdened by ministry issues, then these may hold you back from your next season.'
That is one thing I definitely don't wish to see, for this promise of mine has been delayed long enough. Of course I also want to cooperate with God when He is moving me into my next season. After all, this was my long awaited prayer and I sensed that it is coming to pass. Finally I made it through the past two seasons when I had been through the fire and water and God is now bringing me to a place of abundance, a season of fulfillment. No matter how tough those seasons were, the truth is they are a thing of the past. I have completed the race, finished the journey, crossed the finish line. Finally I came to a place where God could move me on again. It's a very good place, a thing worth rejoicing.
When I saw that The Lord was moving my staff on to her next season in 2008, I shouldn't be holding her back here, I was happy for her but sad for myself. Happy that she could finally move on but sad that I was still stuck in that season, that place. Her work was finished in the company so she could move on but for me then, I still had unfinished business. Well, it was only fair for her to move on to her harvest season because she had labored much covering my duties when I went on no-pay leave. I had just enjoyed my harvest season and I was entering into winter season.
2008 and 2009 were like my winter seasons when I often struggled to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Mid 2008 to mid 2009 was also a transitional year for me as The Lord brought us out of our old church into NCC. Then in the second half of 2009, a shaking began in my organization. That was when I knew the beginning of birth pangs started and it would culminate in my departure from that company. Things were starting to get rougher, more uncomfortable in my workplace. But God is faithful to eventually bring me out by end 2010. My winter season was finally over! I crossed over to spring, a time of new beginnings when I started my stay home days. But it wasn't exactly autumn season yet.
I still had to brace through the laborious season of summer before I can reach my harvest season. 2012 to 2014 was the duration of my summer season. 2014 was also a transitional year for me as The Lord brought me out of ministry work, preparing me for a season of childbearing. That was when I knew that my season has changed and autumn has finally arrived. I saw that like what happened to my staff in 2008, The Lord was moving me on and if I held on to the old things, I will delay entering my harvest season. I was happy for myself that the chapter has ended and I have completed my work in that season. I can finally move on. I no longer have any unfinished business in that season.
Now it was only 'fair' for me to move into autumn season for I have labored through the seasons of winter, spring and summer. Others may have just enjoyed their season of harvest and now entering into winter. Through it all, I learnt that there is no basis to envy others when they are enjoying their fruit while you are laboring because we are all in different seasons of our lives. Just focus on His faithfulness and know that when your due season comes, you will also enjoy the fruit of your labour. Your appointed time will surely come. At that time the people whom you used to envy may be going through a difficult time, a winter, spring or summer season. We all have our own race to run, so no need to compare.
The reason I said 2014 was an eventful year was because of the things that happened in this year. Towards the end of 2013 I had experienced to a smaller extent some of the bad things happening to people around me like sickness and hospitalization. I already found it overwhelming then but this year, I felt the full impact of these events. The sudden nature of people close to me passing on, the number of life and death cases (8 in total), threatened divorces, spiritual attacks on our family that I encountered this year was phenomenal. During the thanksgiving service last Sunday, I truly thank God that we are alive and breathing. We made it to through this year. Now I don't take such things for granted for there has been friends who didn't make it to the next year. Of course they are in a much happier place with Jesus but as for me, I know my work on earth is not finished yet.
I thank God that this year I gained a far greater revelation of His will and men's will. I was thrown into confusion at first and very much overwhelmed by the untimely deaths. But later I managed to resolve all these doubts and questions with The Lord. The enemy struck at the core of my beliefs in healing ministry. But what the devil meant for harm, The Lord turned it for my good. The revelation He showed me made me more effective in healing ministry. I learnt to work with the will of man and influence them to agree with the will of God, which is always healing and long life. If this fails and they pass on after I prayed for them, I don't get disillusioned but respect their decision, trusting that God will work all things out for the good of the family. What I learnt was that I cannot be accountable for their decisions but as for me and my household, we will serve The Lord. We will agree with His will for our lives.
I told Heng that I earlier had been asking The Lord where is His greater glory in the midst of all the attacks and bad things happening around me. At one point I was so overwhelmed by the attacks which never seemed to cease and give me some relief that I cried out to The Lord. Where is the good coming out of all these? Why can't I see the good? Well, time has proven Him right. The year didn't seem to start off well but towards the end, all the good things seem to manifest. I don't know why The Lord waited till the last month to manifest the good things but at least late than never. We noticed how the spiritual atmosphere changed since mid Nov and we have been experiencing so much joy. It was like morning has come, sorrow has turned into joy. Then all the good things started coming out into the surface in Dec, with so many surprises for me. I thank God for all the good things surfacing and the blessings are not going to stop there. This is just the beginning, The Lord says. And we are already so excited now. The Lord tells me that more blessings are to come next year for it is a season of fulfillment. It has just begun for me.
Hence in conclusion, I must say that 2014 has been a very good year for me. Probably the best year ever. This was the year I learnt how to enjoy my life as a stay home mum, to receive things from The Lord though I didn't work for it, to rest and trust that God is working on my behalf, behind the scenes for my good as I wait upon Him. I also received many answers to the bewildering questions I had for many years. One of which was why God allowed the delay for childbearing. The other one was the part that man's will has to play in life and death matters. More importantly, I have learnt to enjoy life, to pamper myself, see myself as a princess, do good to myself, think about what I really want in life, enjoy the season, seize the moment, treasure the present etc.
I saw how The Lord destroyed many age old strongholds this year, like timing in childbearing, like comparison with others, jealousy and bitterness with people etc. I also found that I hear The Lord more clearly and my sensing has been more spot on. As I stepped out on what The Lord told me, ignoring men's opinions of me, I found the anointing increased. I have learnt to hear from The Lord directly and not step out based on what others tell me. When I am clear that I have heard from Him, I will set my face like flint and stand firm on my decision regardless of the pressure on me. I believe the greatest work He has done all these years is the building up of my faith and spiritual tenancies.
I have become more stable and stronger. I know how to say no to people's demands on me. I don't wish to be trapped in a cycle of feeling I am taken advantage of yet not being able to stand up for myself. Or trapped in another cycle of saying no yet feeling guilty about my decision and then caving in under pressure. I rather say no if I really don't have the desire to do something than to do it grudgingly and then complain about it. I don't want my spirit to be bitter. I also don't wish to expect much out of people when I give to them lest I become disappointed. I want to keep my eyes on The Lord.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Won the grand prize!
Praise the Lord! I won cash at a Popular Draw on 21 Dec! When I received a call on 16 Dec that I was one of the shortlisted candidates, it was a surprise for me. But I already knew that it was a setup for blessing. God already prepared for me to receive the prize on Sunday. And so I was expectant and making preparation for this big day. I didn't think much of it during the week but I was shopping for nice clothes to wear on that day. It was also for the Christmas service but I told Heng and Joshua that I need to dress up for the event because I will be going up the stage. I already spoke as if I was going to win. I was a little excited the night before but my mind was caught up with a ministry issue. That morning I woke up wondering if I would be in time for the registration. Our church service would end around 2pm and I needed to be there by 2.30pm. It was quite tight.
Thank God I reached there in time to register though it was a bit rushed. When I reached there, I saw a super long queue and I wanted to give up. I was concerned that by the time I reached the registration counter, the staff would tell me that registration had closed because I was too late. I also thought about how my chances were so slim because there were so many people. 450 people were short listed to be exact. And only 9 winners. It was a mere 2% chance of winning. I was also feeling a bit lonely because Heng and Joshua could not join me. Joshua had to go for his piano lesson. But I knew that God has already prepared this blessing for me. It was waiting for me at the grand draw, so I had to be present to receive the prize.
Thank God I managed to register. But as I stood there waiting for the draw to begin, I felt like just another face in the crowd. Doubts came to my mind: What made me think that I am so favored that I will win. What makes me so special from the rest of the people? When the draw started, there were already 5 winners and I wondered what if I didn't win. Wouldn't my preparation be in vain, would not it be a mockery? But I thought it would be not be a wasted trip. It would be good fun anyway. Well, as I stood there watching, God assured me that this blessing already has my name on it and no one can take it. It didn't matter who conducted the draw, they were just vessels. God's hand was the one drawing the cards.
The CEO got a little girl to conduct the draw for the sixth candidate and when the emcee said anyone with the surname Lee raise their hands, I knew I had a chance. When he said middle name is Mui, I already knew it was me! After he announced Lee Mui Choo, I calmly raised up my hand and walked to the stage. They confirmed my IC and there I was, a proud winner! I never won any big prize in lucky draws. The last one was more than 10 years ago. I didn't think I was the 'lucky' one. Heng was the one who always won prizes in such draws. And I recalled how the Lord was setting me up right from the start for I wanted to put Heng's name on the slip. But God told me to put my name instead. Now I know why. God wanted to bless me and me alone. Initially I felt like I was just a face in the crowd but it wasn't true.
Abraham and his family might look like any other family in pilgrim but what made Abraham special was that he heard the call of God on his life and he responded to it. Similarly I am like Abraham, truly special to God. I am not just a face in the crowd, I am very special. Handpicked by God. The favor of God is on my life and that makes me different from the crowd. This incident taught me to ignore what I feel or see, to walk in faith. When God said I am special, I am special. It didn't matter that I wasn't the tallest, most pretty or outstanding physically. All it matters is God is with me and He has chosen me.
This is really unearned, undeserved favor. I didn't earn it and it's a big surprise! To think that God could bless me with this! It was like God telling me He is rewarding me for my labour of love for the sheep for past three years. Wow! He is so good! I never expected any reward but He loves to bless me. Truly my due season has come. I now can be fully convinced that all good things come to the surface when harvest is here. What a blessed time is harvest!
Thank God I reached there in time to register though it was a bit rushed. When I reached there, I saw a super long queue and I wanted to give up. I was concerned that by the time I reached the registration counter, the staff would tell me that registration had closed because I was too late. I also thought about how my chances were so slim because there were so many people. 450 people were short listed to be exact. And only 9 winners. It was a mere 2% chance of winning. I was also feeling a bit lonely because Heng and Joshua could not join me. Joshua had to go for his piano lesson. But I knew that God has already prepared this blessing for me. It was waiting for me at the grand draw, so I had to be present to receive the prize.
Thank God I managed to register. But as I stood there waiting for the draw to begin, I felt like just another face in the crowd. Doubts came to my mind: What made me think that I am so favored that I will win. What makes me so special from the rest of the people? When the draw started, there were already 5 winners and I wondered what if I didn't win. Wouldn't my preparation be in vain, would not it be a mockery? But I thought it would be not be a wasted trip. It would be good fun anyway. Well, as I stood there watching, God assured me that this blessing already has my name on it and no one can take it. It didn't matter who conducted the draw, they were just vessels. God's hand was the one drawing the cards.
The CEO got a little girl to conduct the draw for the sixth candidate and when the emcee said anyone with the surname Lee raise their hands, I knew I had a chance. When he said middle name is Mui, I already knew it was me! After he announced Lee Mui Choo, I calmly raised up my hand and walked to the stage. They confirmed my IC and there I was, a proud winner! I never won any big prize in lucky draws. The last one was more than 10 years ago. I didn't think I was the 'lucky' one. Heng was the one who always won prizes in such draws. And I recalled how the Lord was setting me up right from the start for I wanted to put Heng's name on the slip. But God told me to put my name instead. Now I know why. God wanted to bless me and me alone. Initially I felt like I was just a face in the crowd but it wasn't true.
Abraham and his family might look like any other family in pilgrim but what made Abraham special was that he heard the call of God on his life and he responded to it. Similarly I am like Abraham, truly special to God. I am not just a face in the crowd, I am very special. Handpicked by God. The favor of God is on my life and that makes me different from the crowd. This incident taught me to ignore what I feel or see, to walk in faith. When God said I am special, I am special. It didn't matter that I wasn't the tallest, most pretty or outstanding physically. All it matters is God is with me and He has chosen me.
This is really unearned, undeserved favor. I didn't earn it and it's a big surprise! To think that God could bless me with this! It was like God telling me He is rewarding me for my labour of love for the sheep for past three years. Wow! He is so good! I never expected any reward but He loves to bless me. Truly my due season has come. I now can be fully convinced that all good things come to the surface when harvest is here. What a blessed time is harvest!
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