Some time ago Heng and I were talking about marriages. Heng said when a woman cannot find a man whom she loves, she will not marry anyone just for the sake of marriage. But for a guy, it is different. Their physical need for a wife is greater than their need to connect. So to them, it is ok not being able to connect with the wife. Their emotional need wasn't as strong as the women. And maybe that was why Pastor shared during yesterday's service that a divorce affects the women much more emotionally than the guys.
He has seen through the years how after a divorce from an abusive relationship, the woman would come down with a sickness, most probably breast cancer. It was really very interesting that he made this observation. About how women are especially susceptible to accusations and condemnation compared to the men. So a woman in an abusive relationship would suffer more than a hen-pecked guy.
Somehow guys are less affected by divorces or abusive relationships. I really wonder why. Maybe women are more relational by nature and feel more easily condemned. We are more sensitive to comments and care more about others' opinions than the guys. Perhaps due to the fact that it was Eve who was tempted by the serpent at first and after she gave the fruit to Adam, women somehow blamed themselves for bringing sin into the world.
I too, have seen how the ladies around me suffer because they feel accused and condemned by their abusive hubbies. I felt that their self-worth was adversely affected. And they constantly had to do something to prove their worth, like to redeem themselves or to seek approval. And they could never really get over those abusive remarks made by their hubbies. It would be like a scar in their emotional lives and they would secretly resent their hubbies for treating them this way.
I saw how unfair it was for their husbands to make them feel guilty for something they had done or not done. Hence they are constantly under law, under demand, treading on thin ice. If they didn't perform well, then they would be subjected to their husbands' tirades. I often feel angry and indignant over this. What made the guys think they are superior to the ladies? Just because they are born males? It wasn't even something they earned. It was just God's grace on them.
In fact, I had been the brunt of such an abusive relationship before, hence I knew how it felt like. Accusations, guilt and condemnation. Emotional blackmail. Fear. It was horrible. I felt so helpless, so weak, so stuck. I wanted to get out of that prison but I didn't have the courage to. It was God who mercifully brought me out of it. My ex boyfriend thought he could control me with his emotional wiles but he forgot who was my backing. My God is so jealous of me, He will never allow me to live a subjugated life like that.
For women in a relationship like this, there can never be unconditional love for their husbands. They will secretly resent him though on the surface they may seem submissive. Their love is ruled by fear. Fear of punishment when they don't obey their husbands. Accusations will turn into guilt then condemnation. So accusations can kill. It's really that serious. Slowly, little by little over the years. It can make a woman so depressed and suicidal at times. It can bring on sickness and diseases, eventually death.
I believe that the reason Pastor has been preaching about the ploys of the enemy is because God wants to set His people free. Free from such accusations and guilt. Wrong believing. Satan is har-Satan or the accuser of the brethren. He is our adversary or opponent in a law suit. He still thinks he is the custodian of righteousness so he will go around accusing man, finding fault with us when we sin.
His sole purpose of accusing us is to kill. He has no power to finish us off so he has to use our power. If we agree with his accusations, we are lending him our power to destroy our lives. But Christ has already redeemed us from our sins at the cross. So each time the enemy condemns us, we confess this 'I am the righteousness of God in Christ'. Christ is my sin, I am His righteousness. The enemy cannot do anything about us. He has to leave us.
That is why the teaching on grace is so important. Satan understands law and righteousness but not grace. He cannot understand God's love for mankind. The reason he is getting at us is so that he can get at God. He is still trying to devour those believers who are not established in Christ's righteousness. He is accusing them day and night with the purpose of murdering their souls.
We have to learn to say that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ, each time the enemy tries to put some charge on us, make us feel guilty. Even in the area of food, we can have so much wrong believing. Romans 14:22-23 says 'Do you have faith? Have it to yourself before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, for whatever is not from faith is sin.'
Pastor clarified from the Hebrew meaning of the word 'condemned' that it isn't God who condemns us but ourselves. Don't agree with the devil. Don't do his job too! Condemnation will eventually lead to sickness and death. So whatever you do or not do, don't feel guilty. Let the Spirit of our Lord lead us in all things. Whatever we do, do it in faith. The blessing will come to us.
Pastor also said that in a court of law, if the one being prosecuted don't admit to his guilt and eventually he is cleared of the charge, then the burden of the guilt will return to the one prosecuting or the adversary. He has in turn become a murderer by accusing the innocent with the intention to put him to death with that charge. So when we confess that we are the righteousness of God in Christ, we refuse to take the guilt as Jesus has paid for our sins so we are cleared of the charge. Why should we be punished again when Jesus had already been punished for our sins?