My birthday celebration

28 Oct is my birthday. My hubby is sweet enough to take the day off to spend it with me. He didn't really plan anything and it is not our usual custom to surprise each other with programmes or presents...so we just decided to have a good buffet lunch outside. Just the two of us. Romantic right?

Turned out that when we woke up yesterday, Joshua was having a fever and we had to bring him to see a doctor. I was not worried because I know he is healed just that we could not proceed with our buffet lunch. I need to wait for my mum to return from work at mid-day before we could ask her to help take care of Joshua.

And because we need to pacify Joshua as to why he had to stay home while we went out, we promised to buy a train set for him. He gave specific instructions on what type of train tracks to buy. So the rest of the day we were busy looking for his toy, covering three places in total. By the end of the day we were so tired. Thank God we finally found the one he wanted!  I was confused though...it was my birthday but I was busy looking for a present for my son! My hubby said we have no lack and our happiness lies in seeing our children happy. This is so true of our heavenly Father.

At the end of my birthday, my best present from my Daddy God was this devotional from Pastor Joel. It talks about sudden breakthroughs. For me, I have been praying and waiting for God to lead me out of my company and suddenly this month, He gave me the green light.  That's a breakthrough.  And we were trying to look for a condo for 2 years but suddenly, within 2 months, we had 5 viewings and we bought our condo. That’s another breakthrough. God knows that the last breakthrough for this year that I have been waiting for is the manifestation of my pregnancy.

I am reminded that no matter what I’ve been facing, no matter how impossible things look, the God of the breakthrough wants to visit my house today. Get ready! I keep expecting, keep believing because the God of the breakthroughs is ready to overwhelm me with His goodness today!

Let go of the good before receiving God's best

I was reading my notes of past sermons by Pastor Prince. I was so encouraged by this message that says 'let go of the good before receiving God's best'.  How true this is! Many people are unwilling to let go of the current situation (be it a relationship, a job, a home etc) and sometimes this hinders them from receiving God's best. 

For me, it was clear that I had to let go of this current job before God moves me on to the next season of my life, where I see my career as home-based. Ironically, though I had cried out to God many times this year to let me leave this company, when the time came that God says 'Go', I was still reluctant. 

I was thinking about what I had chosen to give up.  I could have a good career path here. My bosses already told me they are grooming me for a higher management position and my career is all mapped out should I choose to stay.  However, this career advancement or promotion really wasn't my heart's desire, so it didn't excite me. Of course I was grateful to my bosses for granting me the opportunity to grow in this company but I told them this wasn't what I wanted in life. I told them I would quit after the year end bonus.  I can imagine how many people would have jumped at such opportunities and I gave it up!

In fact, what I had given up was not just the promotional prospects and the ability to earn much more in future.  I had given up my maternity benefits should I stay on the job till I give birth. Actually that was what was keeping me here all this while. I had thought God was keeping me here till I give birth to enjoy the maternity benefits then move me out. But when my pregnancy had not yet manifested, I thought maybe God has a better plan for me. A wild thought came to my mind. Maybe I don't need to work and still could be entitled to my maternity benefits... That was when I was open to making the decision to leave before I confirm pregnant.

I was leaving all my foregone benefits to God (performance bonus included) and believing that God will grant me double the amount that I had given up. He will not shortchange me.  This is, by far, one of the toughest steps of faith I took in my life as it entailed an entire career change.  But after I made the decision, I felt so light. In fact, all the burdens left me as I cast my cares unto the Lord. I told God my part is to believe you and speak out what I believe. Your part is to perform. What an easy role for me!

A Lesson on Faith

Recently the Lord has been teaching me a lot about faith. These are things that I have learnt before but somehow I had forgotten to put them to practice. Hebrews 11:1 says 'Now faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see.' There are so many important lessons about faith that I can share but one thing that jumps out at me was this in Mark 11:23 when Jesus said 'Whosoever says to this mountain, be removed and be cast into the sea, and does not doubt in his heart but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says.' Jesus is telling us in order to get from believing to the manifestation of our promise, we need to do 3 times more speaking than believing. Many of us do believe but how many of us hold fast to the confession of our faith?

While trying for this 2nd child, I have been confessing that I am pregnant since 2008. Every single month despite menses, I still believe and confess I am pregnant. I had done it for so many months that I had lost count of the months. But it is ok, I don't look back, I press on towards the promise that God had already given me another baby.  Was I disappointed at times? Did I get depressed? Of course I did, especially when the waiting took much longer than I expected. It is only natural but I choose to focus on what God said about me that I am a happy mother of children at home.

Sometimes people may think I am crazy but I know I am not. Because God always calls things that are non-existent as if they already exist. Like how He called Abraham a father of many nations while he was still childless at 100 years old.  Being the timeless God, He had gone ahead into Abraham's future, prepared this great blessing of a son for Abraham and came back to tell him. I know God has also gone into my future, prepared all the wonderful blessings for me, came back and told me 'It is very good.' 

I was not very comfortable to share about my profession of faith that I am pregnant before I confirm pregnant. But I sensed that God wants me to talk about this just before the manifestation comes. In the middle of the waiting just one step before my miracle appears, I need to say 'Hold it! I'd like to say a few things before this is over.' Anyone can say things after the waiting is over like how people will say 'I just knew everything will turn out fine.' But why didn't they say it in the middle of the struggle?

In the middle of the waiting, the Lord wants me to say 'The victory is mine. My baby is here.' The Word spoken to me must be spoken through me. Just this week, the Lord impressed upon me to think about what I planned to do when I confirm my pregnancy. So here goes:
1) Praise God and thank Him for His faithfulness
2) Go out and celebrate, have a good dinner with my hubby and son
3) Tell my parents and in-laws about the good news
4) Arrange appointment with the gynae (to see my baby on ultrasound)
5) Start taking antenatal vitamins
6) Bring out all the maternity clothes (to prepare to wear)
7) Tell my care group and a few good friends
8) Writing about my pregnancy process on my blog
9) Buy my baby's clothes, toys etc
10) Continue praying for my baby (which I started 3 months ago) and talk to her

A toast to mothers!

I used to be quite active in ministry, serving in cell group and prayer ministry before I became a mother.  Though having kids was my heart's desire, the reality was that I still had to adjust to motherhood. I knew I had to change my role from frontline ministry to home ministry (where I took care of my son, Joshua) while my hubby took on leadership position in the church.  I must say it wasn't that easy especially when my baby was smaller.  Motherhood is a 24/7 vocation, as in there is no time off like you can take leave from work.  It is a continuous task and very intensive as your baby needs your full attention. It could be disruptive in a sense that you couldn't even have a proper conversation with another sister in church on Sunday (mothers: you know what I mean).

Sometimes when I am caught up with the mundane tasks of motherhood, I lost perspective of my calling and my role in the process. I remember feeling rather jealous that my hubby could continue to serve in church while I had to take care of Joshua while waiting for him to finish his meetings. I had become wearied, tired and restless. What was worse was that I couldn't even have a healthy intake of God's Word on Sunday as my time was spent chasing after my toddler in nursery (back then in my old church). When I am under-nourished, how then can I pour out God's love into my son?

Thank God He revealed to me that He cares for mothers so much that He doesn't neglect our needs. He knows how important it is to nourish the mothers with His word, to fulfill their needs, grant them rest and refreshment. He knows the strategic role that mothers play in the lives of the kids and at home. Disarm the mother and you have a dysfunctional family. Remember someone once said 'When momma ain't happy, everyone ain't happy!' What the enemy wanted to do was to keep the mothers in the physical realm when he can make them feel tired, unrefreshed, dry or bored. Sometimes even doubting the power of prayers for their kids.

But God is so good. He loves us mothers very much and wants us to celebrate our lives as beautiful individuals with our divine destinies. We are afterall still individuals with needs and He wants to meet those needs. Whether it is the need to still look good, to be involved in ministries, to have a healthy intake of God's Word or maybe just to have a good rest at the feet of Jesus. 

Our identity is separate from our kids. He sees us as glorious looking, not troublesome or naggy. He sees us with great worth because we are children of the Most High God. If you think that God is done with your life after you became a mother, then be challenged with this thought: God is going to bring you to greater heights than you have soared before.  He still has a way to bring those latent dreams and desires in your heart to come to pass. Your best life has yet to be.

In Apr 2008, God gave me an idea of starting a mothers' fellowship in my old church - a time for the young mothers to share, pray and encourage one another with God's Word, without the distraction of the kids.  I reckon that as a mother of one child then, if I am struggling, then the rest of the mothers must be struggling more with more children. Some mothers had even 'resigned' themselves to the fact that this is just a phase they needed to endure when their kids are small.

Although this idea did not materialise, the seed was already planted in my heart. I knew my ministry was to reach out to the mothers. This ministry will be a great blessing because it is birthed out of God's heartbeat for the mothers.  He wants us to see ourselves with a strategic role: raising champion kids, 'movers and shakers' and leaders of God in the next generation. He wants us to leave a legacy in our children's lives that would impact even future generations.  He intends for us to play a part in the fulfilment of our children's divine destinies while He is also working on our divine destinies.

God is truly faithful!

Today I got to know a piece of news that is so wonderful! In fact, I have been waiting for this piece of good news for many years! One of my friends told me that she is pregnant with a baby girl and will give birth next Feb! I remember in 2005 she was already trying for a baby. But she is not the very intense type like me, she says sometimes she is lukewarm about it, sometimes she is very enthusiastic.

She and her hubby likes to travel, so sometimes she is ambivalent about having a child because they know life would not be the same. (Of course life would not be the same, life with children is 10 times better!)  Though I am sure she experienced disappointments, she eventually left this issue to the Lord. That is when she found herself pregnant in May this year. Indeed, God is so faithful. Even though its been 4 years, He never forgot about her and her desire to have a child.  I told her though I am also trying for a second child, this piece of news made me happier than when I found out I am pregnant! Ha ha!  Praise the Lord!

Moving House

Although we are scheduled to move into our new home at Rio Vista in Dec, I had requested for the boxes to be provided in early Oct.  I knew we should space out our packing because it would be stressful to cramp everything together in Dec. This proved to be a wise decision, thank God! We had just started packing from our study room and guess what, after two weekends of packing (counting only half a day each weekend), we still haven't finished packing the study room. And that is just the study room! We have yet to start packing the bedrooms, the kitchen, the storeroom etc. 

Well, I told my hubby I need to take one step at a time. As I think about all the other rooms that needed to be packed, I already feel exhausted. Being the task-oriented person, coupled with my planning skills, I can't help feeling overwhelmed. But I guess God is also telling me to rest even while packing...that I should enjoy the process and not be stressed out by it.

Actually as we were packing, we uncovered a lot of hidden things that hold fond memories of our past.  Like a file that contains the renovation works for this current home, our wedding preparations etc. These are so nostalgic. I remembered the times we spent in this home, the happy and sad memories.  When we first got married, my hubby said this home is special because it will be with us in the early years of our marriage and our family life (with kids). That's why he refused to sell the flat.

And that's how God gave him the desire to hold 2 properties. God is so good - He really accelerates things, in just 2 years' time, God not only enabled us to pay off the mortgage of our flat but provided the finances for us to pay the downpayment of our condo! With God, nothing is impossible! Who would have thought that we could pay off our flat mortgage so soon, who would have thought we could save enough money to buy another property but God in His grace, provided all these for us, without us labouring or toiling! Indeed this is a year of restful increase!

Of Dreams and Heart's Desires (Part II)

Other than preparing for us financially (so that I could stay home in style), God was also giving me clarity on my writing ministry. He knows I could be bored at home hence He also put this desire in me to be involved in ministry while at home. Just last year, God gave me a dream and a desire to write a book and to minister to the mothers all over the world.

At the work front, God was stretching me intellectually and emotionally. He was training me to be reliant on Him every step of my way. I had a very different portfolio that required me to plan and write policy papers. I was never good in writing and so I felt inadequate in my job oftentimes, yet I had to handle all the insecurities and depressive moods of colleagues around me. God is good. He gave me strength, wisdom and joy everyday. I had to learn to focus on His thoughts about me (that I am a champion, I have great value in His sight etc) and my strengths. 

God told me just to rest and flow with Him, doing what He wants me to do. For example, I had tons of information to process to do my job well and I don't like to work late because of my family, hence I asked God to give me the wisdom to know the information I needed to know to do my job well.  Slowly I learnt to gain clarity in my thought process and had a lot more rigour in the way I approach an issue. 

I also became more emotionally independent, as in I was still emphatic to my colleagues' problems yet I was able to release the burden to God. In the past I would get very depressed and affected by the negative emotions of the people around me. Slowly I learnt to detach myself from the negative environment so that I could focus and do my job well.  As I focused on what a blessing I am to the people around me, God was able to use me to be a blessing to my bosses, my department and my colleagues. 

I saw God do more than I can imagine! I then realised that with God guiding my steps, I can go anywhere and do anything (Phil 4:13 says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me). God was leading me through a confidence building process as He prepares to bring me out to a new season when I cannot look to the past for answers but keeping my eyes focused on Jesus would cause me to soar like an eagle.

Of Dreams and Heart's Desires (Part I)

Did you ever have a longing or a desire that refuses to go away even after many years have come and passed? I guess many of us do dream big when we were much younger, when we were not battered by life's realities and storms. Sometimes we are afraid to dream because we want to be practical. Sometimes we thought those dreams we had were just wishful thinking and could never come to pass. Or for some people, they were not even taught to dream because no one has ever planted seeds of greatness in their hearts.

I was one of such people. Though I loved God a lot, I wasn't really in touch of the dreams and desires that the Creator of the Universe had put inside of me. Simply put, the dreams were latent. But God is good. He intervened in such a way that He had to pull us out from our old church environment and put us into this church to teach us to dream. Joel 8:28 records the Lord saying that your young men shall dream dreams, your old men shall see visions.  You may find it weird that we even needed to be taught to dream but sadly, this is true of many believers.  God placed my hubby and I in an environment where we dare to dream big dreams. A place where we can trust God for more. In His grace, He has surrounded us with people from whom we can learn, people who will encourage us to believe His word. And so, a journey of lifetime dreaming began for me and my household.

I liked to journal my spiritual journey with my Abba Father. I believe these journals will prove to be of great value to many people, especially my dear sisters in Christ. In 2008, as I was reading my journals, I realised that even before stepping into New Creation Church (NCC), God was already preparing to lead us out of my old church. In Aug 08, God was telling me about Isaiah 55:12 (You shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace), Romans 12:2 (renewing of our minds) and Psalm 113:9 (The Lord makes the barren woman a happy mother of children at home). In Oct 2008, when God showed me Isaiah 54:2 (enlarge your tents, stretch out your tent curtains), He was actually enlarging my vision and teaching me to expect more good things from Him. At that point, God had put a desire for me to stay home as a happy mother of children. Hence I already knew then that my stay in my current company is only temporal although I didn't know when God will bring me out.  That dream didn't go away for the past 2.5 years. I knew I could do more at home than at work. I knew I was called to raise champion kids and to bring up my children in the way of the Lord. Even when I got so tired (sometimes to the point of desperation) of waiting for God to bring me into my next season, God was still faithfully working behind the scenes to bring me out of this company.

What God did was to continue to enlarge our vision by putting us in an atmosphere of faith in NCC. We were taught to dream big under Pastor Prince's grace-based teachings. Little did I know that God was not just preparing for me to stay home, He was providing all the finances for me to stay home in style. That answered prayer came in the form of additional rental income from our HDB flat as we prepared to move into our condo which we just bought. That was God's masterpiece on the home front.

Developing a Healthy Self-image

Today I will be sharing excerpts from Joel Osteen's devotional:
(Daily Readings from 'Your Best Life Now')

It is about how we see ourselves and how we feel about ourselves. Every person has an image of himself or herself. Individuals who see themselves as how God sees them are usually happy about who they are. They know they have been created in God's image and He has crowned them with tremendous honour (Gen 1:26-27 and Psalm 8:4-5). They feel good about themselves because they know God loves them and He feels good about them!

My reflection from this devotional is this. Many a times at work or in life, there will be always be people who will be displeased with you or make you feel that you have missed the mark (by not meeting their expectations). It is so natural for us to feel condemned or discouraged by the negative things that people say or think about you. But that is not what God says about you. In times like these, we really got to do like Apostle Paul said in Romans 12:2, not conforming to the patterns of this world but to be transformed by the renewing our our minds. How do we renew our minds? By hearing and hearing the Word of Christ. You got to keep hearing what God says about you - that you are a champion, you are the apple of His eyes, you are God's beloved and you can hold your head up high and walk with confidence knowing that God loves you unconditionally. God knows it is important for us to feel good because when we feel good, then we will do good.  

The Genesis

I have never considered myself as a person who would even want to blog since I am technophobia. Just take facebook for example. I was accused by my friends of not logging in to check the updates or even to accept friends... so why would I even want to blog?

The reason is simple. I feel that I have something to say, something worthwhile to share with the world. I envisage sharing bits of my life in this blog...things like motherhood, work, family, church etc.

Actually I have to thank one of my friends who encouraged me to find my voice and my style in the literary world, since I shared with her I have plans to write a book. I don't really know how my book would turn out to be...I told her I wanted to share my experiences as a working mother, my marriage, my faith in God, my ministry etc.