PROCESS OF RELEASING MYSELF FROM MY SINS

I was listening to Pastor's sermons these few days. He said there was a place in the bible which mentioned those sins we retained will be retained, those sins that we released will be released. John 20:23 says 'Whose soever sins you remit, they are remitted to them; and whose soever sins you retain, they are retained.' It wasn't just about other people's sins. It was also about our sins.

God has already forgiven us of our sins but we may not forgive ourselves at times. So we continue to retain that sin and subconsciously being punished for it. And that sin consciousness will continue to torture us, open a door for the enemy to bring troubles in our lives. God has already given us so stop beating ourselves. Quit living condemned and guilty. Peace is forgiveness enjoyed.

Pastor also said that the paralytic man needed to be forgiven of his sin first before healing came. That was why Jesus said his sins were forgiven before He told the guy to take up his mat and walk. Pastor also mentioned that if we go for hospital visits, before we pray for healing, tell the person God has forgiven him of all his sins. Tell him to let go of his own sins and forgive himself. Then healing can be freely received. Our conscience needs to know someone paid for our sins so we could enjoy that peace.

Today as I was meditating on this topic, I was reminded of what God told me on 15 May 2016. It was about rolling away the Israelites' reproach at Gilgal. That day was a turning point for me when God opened my eyes to see that I had been retaining the sin of missing my promised land in 2012. God has long forgiven me and He wanted me to stop beating myself over it. Jesus paid the price for me.

I now realise that even though it was a breakthrough for me that night, it was the beginning of a process. The forgiveness of sins by God was freely offered to those who needed it but for us to release ourselves fully from our sins, it might take some time. Well it could be instantaneous for some people but for me it was over a period of time. In fact, it had been more than nine months since. But at least I thank God that the process of forgiving myself of that sin is finally completed.

This sin consciousness was so subtle that I didn't even know traces of it was still there. I thought it had been completely dealt with last year. Well, my recent incidents showed that man is so prone to feeling condemned. So we constantly need to hear the gospel of grace. We need to be reminded again and again that all our sins are forgiven and God is not angry with us.

Thank God the difference was this year it took a much shorter time for me to discern what was exactly happening. The enemy tried to bring a replay of last year's incidents to convince me that nothing has changed this year and I was still stuck. Not only that through the recent spade of events, the enemy told me in fact, things had gotten worse than last year. Just look at the intensity of the attacks this year. He taunted me with doubts like 'What happened to the word about Jubilee? Is this even Jubilee?'

Thank God for He always brings us victory through Christ! And He opened my eyes to see what was hidden in the dark. Yes the warfare may have intensified due to the closeness to our appointed time. But it doesn't have to be like last year when I was fighting most of the time. This year God told us to rest for the battle belongs to Him. But what God needed me to do was to close the door to fear by releasing myself of my sins. I needed to forgive myself and receive His forgiveness in order to move forward.

I reminded myself again that God has forgiven me of that sin so I forgive myself. It has been so many years and it is about time I put a stop to all the sufferings and torture I put myself through. It was silly for me to be punished when Christ was punished for my sake. It was like saying His payment wasn't enough. Why continue to pay my debt when Jesus had already paid for it? God cannot stop me if I willed to keep paying. No wonder this is the year of Jubilee! I can hear the chains being broken off me. The age old stronghold has been totally destroyed. Praise the Lord! I receive this miracle now in Jesus' name!

Not only that I can expect more good things to come because Jesus has paid it for me. My conscience is fully satisfied because God is satisfied with Jesus' sacrifice. Besides the enemy has been caught so he had to pay back sevenfold what he had stolen from me all these years! It's really payback time! Now the blood is on his hands and he has no covering for his crimes! He is really doomed this time round. Jesus has totally defeated him!

AN EVENTFUL MONTH

It had been such an eventful February. So many things happened last month. It had been a busy month of our Chinese New Year celebrations. My hubby finally left his previous company on 9 Feb, after more than 3.5 years there. Then my eldest uncle passed away on Valentine's Day after a operation of heart bypass. There were complications which eventually led to his passing. It was totally unexpected and caused sadness and grief to our Lee family. He was only 68 years old, unlike my grandma who lived to a ripe old age of 88 years. And this happened less than one year of my grandma's death in last June.

He wasn't a believer yet so some of us in the family were praying for God to heal him and save him. However when he passed on, we chose to believe that our prayer was answered. Somehow Jesus might have met with him in his unconscious state and he accepted Christ. There wasn't any evidence to confirm it so it was a matter we had to trust God in. Maybe in future, one day God will reveal to us what happened should He will. And we declare that God's salvation plan for the entire Lee family has already been set into motion. One by one my relatives will come to know Christ.

Joshua also had a fall at a playground on 15 Feb and his bone was out of alignment. Thank God it could be corrected by the doctor's firm push on his wrist. But his hand had to be put on a cast. After a week when we went back for a check up, we were distressed to hear that the bone had gone out of alignment and the doctor advised a surgery to put wires to hold it in place. But none of us had peace regarding the surgery. So the doctor tried to push the bone back in alignment and put on a full cast for Joshua. Thank God the x-ray showed that it worked and his bone had stayed in position for the past week! The doctor said his bone was healing fast. It was truly a faith lesson for our family.

Right now my hubby is still waiting for confirmation from another company to start work. It had been three weeks since he left his old workplace. We didn't understand why the delay from the other side but we just continue to trust that God is in control and His timing is perfect. God is never late. It certainly hasn't been an easy wait but God has been faithful. God has proven to us that whenever the need arose, His financial supply would be there, just in time. Hence we thank God we are never in lack.