I was reading the book ‘The Abundance Code’ from Julie Ann Cairns and I just wanted to do some reflections. Before that I thought of bringing out some good points the author mentioned. The money myth is that work = worth. You have to work hard for your money. So the prospect of risking our hard-earned money on a venture can easily fill us with a sense of anxiety and fatigue. Because if we lose the money, the only way to get those funds back is by working hard.
The idea of working hard for money is not a bad one but we can fall into the trap of thinking that money which comes easily is somehow dishonest. That could be akin to cheating or pure gambling. We don’t want our minds to be closed and reject an easier path to wealth creation. If you make a lot of money relatively easily, without working hard for it, then the question of whether of not you deserve it will be raised.
Others may be critical of you and they may feel that you don’t deserve financial freedom without working hard for it. You may even feel that you don’t deserve it. It can be quite tempting to stay where you are and not upset the beliefs, knowing that the beliefs and judgements of others can have a powerful effect on you. If you want to be different from the rest, you need courage to get to a place psychologically where you can handle being different.
This was what happened to me. In fact when I came out of the rat race at age 36, I was financially free in a way. We had a good rental income while my personal expenses was way below that income. Granted that though Heng wasn’t earning that much back in those days, we were still quite comfortable compared to many families with only one breadwinner. Of course my decision to quit and stay home wasn’t well-received.
Many people including my own parents felt it was such a waste for me to stay home after going through university education. My own brother even compared my job to a maid. My previous boss and colleagues all felt that I might regret my decision as I gave up a good career path. Some people probably felt I was lazy and selfish, enjoying my life while my hubby was slogging at work.
Well, you see, after I resigned, I was very happy for a while. It was a huge relief not having to work and not facing deadlines. Plus the freedom to spend as much time with God as I liked. It was heaven on earth. But after a while I became bored and I needed to find some sense of significance and contribution to society. I knew the value of spending more time with Joshua but deep down I kept wondering if I could do more than just that.
Besides back in those days there weren’t that many stay-home mums like me. And at times I also wondered if I should go back to the workforce. While I was swimming in the pool, enjoying the leisurely afternoon, many times I questioned: Was it right for me to live the good life? Did I deserve such a good life while others are slogging away? I couldn’t even accept luxury gifts from Heng because I didn’t feel like I worked hard for it.
You see, I used to be so stingy about spending money on myself. After 15 years of working, I finally convinced myself to buy an LV bag as a reward. You can imagine how guilty I felt when I received those luxury goods without working for them. God had to show me what is true grace. This goes against the grain of what I believe. In the past I will feel more satisfied about what I had achieved if I had to work hard for it.
This sense of satisfaction applies to things I do for money and things I put effort to even if I don’t get paid. I used to attach my personal sense of significance and worth to what I do for work and how hard I have worked for something. But after a season of practically doing nothing, I had learnt to put my self-worth in my identity and not what I do for a living. God told me that even if I do nothing, I am still His beloved daughter. He is still proud of me.
The author had a similar experience as mine. She quit her high paying job in a top bank at the peak of her career because she wanted to disconnect from the time = money equation. She didn’t want to commit herself to a life on the hamster wheel. Of course she faced much criticism from her family and friends. They felt like she was making a stupid mistake by quitting.
This was exactly what I faced when I announced my decision to quit, even though the reason was to stay home for my son. Well the fact is we both know this: even if a job didn’t feel quite the right thing for you, time can just get chewed up in the daily grind. You get up, go to work, come home, fix dinner, do some housework, watch some TV then go to bed. You go to church, catch up with friends on the weekends, go for holidays and before you know it, a few years passed. Nothing much has changed in your life.
It was exactly what happened to me. I knew my last workplace was a transitional place as early as Oct 2008 but it wasn’t time for me to leave yet. Then life happened. We changed church, CG, got caught up with parenting Joshua and settled into a routine. It was only because of the shaking, the re-org in my company that pushed me out of that nest. At one point I even tried to convince myself that my new season had started in that place. I was becoming delusional because I couldn’t see a way out of my stuck situation.
That was why God pulled me out of work for three weeks to speak to me at length and give me clarity over my next season. I didn’t want to just get stuck in that pattern. I knew I had to break myself out of that endless cycle. It had been almost two years since I had the strong desire to leave the company. So I quit. But thank God for providing us with the rental income before I quit. He made it easy for me to take that step.
Well, like the author described, initially it was fun and she loved it. But what came up emotionally as the weeks turned into months and months was something unexpected. Giving up my sense of significance and contribution for such an extended period of time, with nothing really concrete on the horizon, was actually very challenging for me. Soon I was facing a mid-life crisis. What was I doing with my life? Was I idling it away? The whole world seemed to be passing me by.
Well, looking back I was glad I did it. I never regretted this decision. It was an important season of reflection for me. I couldn’t continue working in the corporate world, and I had to do things differently moving forward if I wanted to get ahead as much in the next season. Yet at times I felt like a ship without a compass. I couldn’t really see the next step, let alone God’s plan for my life. All I looked forward to in those early years were family holidays, which were a break from the mundane and routine.
And yes the questions other people ask like what do you work as are awkward for me. In some way it became a dreaded one because I was concerned about how people looked at me back in those days. Thank God I am much better now. But yes deep down I still do care about what people think. After a decade I am used to the look on these people’s faces.
Well, now that I have found my purpose and calling in life, I am no longer lost for direction. Besides my self worth doesn’t come from what I do but who I am. Yet God knows my need for a sense of significance or purpose in my life. So He had been preparing me for this ministry in the past decade. I must say it did boost my confidence as I felt more fulfilled doing something bigger than myself or my family.
Back to the question about do you believe you deserve to be financially free. Do you feel worthy of it. Do you feel it in the core of your being. Because if you don’t, then most likely you won’t have it. If you are planning to have a paradigm shift about God’s grace, to escape the rat race and attain financial freedom, then pay attention to the way in which you derive your sense of significance and contribution. That would also determine if the shift would be permanent or whether you will lapse back to the old ways of thinking.
The author said the great news is that financial freedom means we can get our personal sense of significance and contribution from wherever we want. Freeing ourselves from what we have to do is what gives us both the opportunity and the need to find out what we want to do. By freeing ourselves from the game that everyone else is playing, we can discover a new and more fulfilling way to play the game.
I fully agree with her. I thank God for the luxury of time. If I was stuck to a nine-to-five job, coupled with parenting demands, I would never have the time to read widely and think about how life should be lived from God’s perspective. I also wouldn’t have the courage to allow myself to think independently without any influence from the world or people around me. To form my own judgement about how my life should be lived and not how others want me to live my life.
And precisely because I was free from the demands and burdens of earning a living, I could get creative about my work. I was able to have a lot of time to journal and reflect on different aspects of life. I thank God for putting some of those insights into books and my blog. Eventually I see myself as a pioneer and trailblazer. I took the road less travelled.
While it was tough, it had been a most fulfilling journey. I learned so many things along the way and whatever I experienced didn’t go to waste. By daring to be different, I was able to challenge the norms and not take things for granted. I wasn’t afraid to step out of my comfort zone to explore the uncharted territory. Even if I made mistakes, it was ok because I learnt the lessons and moved on.
These experiences just enriched my life and made me a better and stronger person overall. As such I realised that I developed understanding beyond my age, with the wisdom of God not the wisdom of the world. My thinking is usually shaped by what the bible says or God’s revelation from heaven. Hence it is untainted and out of this world which makes it all the more precious and refreshing. All glory to Jesus!
