Condemnation kills!

Last week I was caught up with some issues and became easily agitated. One evening Joshua came back and I saw that his Chinese mini test was not so good. He had a few careless mistakes in my opinion and these could be avoided. Because I was already restless, I flared up at him. I started to get anxious about the English mini test the next day. Usually when he got home, he would ask to play my hand phone for a while before dinner, just to relax. But that day I refused to let him play and told him to start doing the assessment papers even before dinner. I knew he was upset but I didn't care. Then after dinner and his bath, I made him do even more assessment papers. He was having a runny nose which seemed to get worse after I made him do all that. After that I gave him some flu medicine and let him play the handphone for a while before he went to bed. That night he went to bed early but he woke up a few times because he was feeling uncomfortable, maybe due to the blocked nose. Every time he woke up, it seemed like he was having a nightmare and woke up wimping.

Guess what? After all the preparation for his English test, the next day Joshua woke up with worse symptoms of runny nose, stomachache and even a mild fever. He couldn't go to school and had to give the test a miss. But thank God because Heng was also on leave that day, he spent some time playing chess with Joshua in the afternoon. It was the first time Joshua played English chess and he caught it after his daddy taught him once. Joshua was even able to defeat his daddy in a few rounds. Heng praised Joshua and told him that he was smart and quick to learn new things. I could see Joshua starting to beam with joy. Even though the doctor said Joshua may have viral infection, hence the mild fever, we trust that Jesus has healed him. And true enough, the next day, Joshua was well enough to go back to school.

After he went to school, the Lord showed me something from this incident. Firstly He showed me that I was frustrated because I had unknowingly put myself under the law. I forgot that it's not about my works but I am the righteousness of God in Christ. I allowed myself to be bullied by the devil through his attempts of condemnation on me. As I was feeling lousy under condemnation, I found myself giving my son the law too. I started to demand this and that from him. Actually his daddy said he has done quite well in the Chinese test but I was still not satisfied. And as I put him under the law, forcing him to do many assessments even though my spirit was feeling uneasy, I saw the effects on Joshua. His spirits became quite down and it manifested in the symptoms of flu and he couldn't sleep well that night. I don't think he purposely willed to fall sick and miss his English test but that was the result of me putting him under the law. But thank God for his spirits were restored when his daddy showed forth his approval and good opinion through the chess game. And as he became happy again, he was able to recover very quickly. The bible says a merry heart does well like good medicine. How true this it!

The Lord also gently reminded me that as I too had put myself under the law and hence under condemnation. Condemnation really kills. It not only makes my life miserable but it makes the lives of my loved ones miserable too. Similarly it was only when I hear my Daddy God told me He is pleased with me, He is proud of me and He approves of me that I was restored. When I come under His loving grace, condemnation has no power over me. I know I am His beloved and my righteousness is from Jesus, not my works. I see Jesus standing in front of me asking 'What do you want Me to do for you?' I was so touched that I cried. God is so good to me. He is always supplying, never demanding. This is grace. I had been so focused in the demands expected of me and what men think of me that I forgot it's not about me. It's all about Jesus. Whatever I ever needed was already supplied by Him. With this, my heart was restored to peace and joy once again. Thank You, Jesus!