I just read this devotional and I felt so ministered by it. It aptly described what I have been through the last season. Yes it has been one of crying, confusion and great fear, the heat of the battle has wearied my bones. Joy has been hard to find and fear has raised its ugly head. But God is my Rescuer, and He refuse to let my enemies triumph over me. He heard my cries for help. He has brought me up from the grave and have kept me from falling into the pit of death. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
For I AM about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will create rivers in the dry wasteland and streams of living water shall flow in the desert.
I have gone ahead of you, Beloved, and made a Way, the Highway of Holiness it is called. Only My Redeemed walk there, no ravenous beast shall go upon it.
Watch and see what I am doing for you this day. Prophesy to those dead bones, and say, "LIVE”! This is the season of RESTORATION. All sorrow and sighing shall flee away. Shout for joy, Beloved, for you are My Redeemed, My Ransomed, My Bride.
When I read this, I thought about how after I have gone through a difficult season or setbacks, God will always come and encourage me of a new season coming. That He is doing something new. I read in a book that when you sense a new beginning in the horizon, it means that God is preparing a season of restoration for you ahead.
I am sensing the new beginning now. For the past few months, it has just been so difficult to be happy as I felt the dark clouds following me everywhere I went. I could be joyful one day, not knowing if I would be moody the next day. I was that unstable. Yes there have been some attacks on my body and pressures in Heng's work, but it wasn't so bad that I could have fallen into depression. But I did, and I was totally helpless.
All I could do was to cry out to God for mercy. I kept on hearing the word of God, kept on reading the word, kept on praying in tongues and worshipping the Lord. In fact, these things were my life support during the ordeal. If not for His grace, I wouldn't have made it through. My faith hit rock bottom during this time and if not for hearing the word, and God telling me to fan into flames the gift of faith, I would have already given up on His promises long ago.
But slowly as I meditate on His word, I find my strength returning to my body. Faith and hope was also reignited in my spirit. Then peace came back to my mind as God told to consecrate my life to Him once again and I did. Eventually joy also came back. Oh how sweet that joy is, how precious to me! I have never treasured the ability to enjoy good food, enjoy family outings, enjoy going shopping as much as I do now. Ah the simple pleasures and joys of life!
For there was a time I simply didn't have the interest for anything in my life. I lost my appetite. I didn't feel well most days. I lost the interest to shop and buy things. I felt that my life was quite meaningless. I didn't want to go out, as all I wanted to do was to lie on my bed and mope around at home. I didn't want to meet people. All I wanted to do was to hide. The only relief I obtained during that time was sleeping. Thank God that at least I could still sleep well. In fact, I slept so much yet I was perpetually tired.
I felt so stuck in that situation and I wondered if I could ever get well again. I wondered if I could ever be happy again. I longed for those days when I used to be joyful and cheerful. I felt sorry that I didn't treasure those days. I felt like I went through the dark nights of my soul and I couldn't get out of that bottomless pit. I nearly lost all hopes of things getting better.
Don't talk about my dreams...I was just living day by day. I was wishing that the days would pass faster so I could get over this tough season sooner. I kept asking God to show me mercy and cut short these torturing days! I wondered when all this would pass. It seemed like forever. On the surface I may look ok and people around might not even realise it but deep down inside I felt like I was sinking into a bottomless pit, and I felt so alone. It was all so confusing like something strange had happened to me...
The turning point came when I attended a Christian seminar mid April and God finally spoke to me. He spoke to me through the speaker and I was so ministered. The speaker gave a word about fanning into flames the dreams God put inside us. It was time to arise and go, no more waiting around. I knew this was a now word for me. God wanted me to arise and go. He wanted me to act as if His word was true that I was healed. He said healthy people do not stay at home, they get out of the house. They also exercise and have a good appetite. They are vivacious and passionate about life. I was apathetic.
When I finally found myself coming out of my shell, finally getting out of my house, meeting people, ministering to them, praying for them, I began to become less conscious of my own condition. I began to get busy with some activities so my mind wouldn't be so idle as to go down the downward spiral of worry and fears. I didn't feel like I totally healed yet but at least I knew I was on the road to recovery. The lying symptoms were still there but I just got to learn to not give weight to them and focus on Jesus. I still did things gingerly as I still didn't totally get a hold on my emotions yet. Nevertheless I still arose and went out as the Lord instructed me to.
Slowly I came to a place where I could be restored back to joy. Joy was so evasive to me during the whole ordeal. It was so fleeting, so temporal. But the joy of the Lord is my strength. Whenever I worship Him, I got a little better each time, maybe not immediately but over time my strength came back. It was only recently I saw how easily God can make me happy again. Recently I began to get my appetite back and I started having the desire to shop and buy things. I also can look forward to enjoying the family holidays.
And so I thank God that I can have hopes of things getting better, I can tell myself that happy days are coming, we are coming to the good part now. I can encourage myself that after the fire and the water, God is finally bringing us to a place of fulfilment and abundance. He will wipe all tears away from my eyes. He will give me a spirit of joy instead of a garment of heaviness.
Truly weeping only lasts for the night but joy comes in the morning. Joy will surely come. He will restore all joy that the devil stole and give me a double portion. For all those troubles brought unto me, God will restore double blessings to me. He will work all things out for my good. And yes, I thank God for the difficult season has ended and God has completed whatever He had to for that season of my life. I thank God that no matter how tough it had been, it was all over now and a new beginning awaits me. For once, I can look forward to the new season He has in store for me.
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