JOY OF THE LORD SUSTAINING ME

There had been just so many thoughts running through my mind for the past few days but I had been just too busy with the wake to process all of them. Now that was over, I can finally take some time to unpack those thoughts. On Monday after my grandma's funeral, I was just thinking about how I have been living my life before news of her passing came. Initially I was very stressed up and worried about her condition but at some point after I surrendered this issue to God, I became more at peace.

Even though I still couldn't be sure whether she would make it through the danger, I was able to leave her in God's hands and go on to enjoy my life. I had just went through a depression and it wasn't easy for me to walk out of those dark clouds. Hence I was determined not to go back to the pits again. For the first time in a long while, I was able to experience joy in my heart. I still remember it was Mother's Day on 8 May.

From then on, I started feeling joy in my life and I also began to feel interested in things around me again. I was so contented to be able to enjoy the simple things in life like eating good food, shopping, spending time with my family, things I couldn't do previously. Then during the week, the enemy tried to steal my joy with my grandma's deteriorating condition and I was so upset that I cried out to the Lord again. After I poured out my frustrations to the Lord, I felt much better and joy came back to me.

On 15 May I experienced how easy it was for God to make me happy again, something I couldn't imagine previously. It was on the same day that the Lord opened my eyes to the condemnation and fears of missing the promised land. It was truly a major breakthrough for me, for the chains were broken. The stronghold was destroyed. I told myself that I can expect good things to happen in my life after the root of condemnation has been removed. I became even lighter and freer after this. I began to feel that things moved faster in my life. I was busy with preparing Joshua for his exams. Led by the Spirit, I started fasting on Thursdays mornings. And more good things started coming up to the surface.

Even though there were attempts to distract me, God turned it around for my good. The enemy still tried to bring lying symptoms on my body, this time they were short-lived. I was able to look forward to the holiday trips and I even had an enjoyable time with my parents in Malaysia. That was just before my grandma passed on. The enemy again tried to steal my joy and peace by causing this news of my grandma's passing to debilitate me. He knew I was succumbed to his pressing this button all the years.

But thank God He had prepared me for this day and I had already surrendered her issue to Him. So I wasn't as sad and emotional as I thought. There was peace and joy throughout her wake though I cried buckets on the first day. But thank God I wasn't exceedingly downcast. In fact after the whole funeral was over, I was really relieved and thankful to God for settling this issue for me.

Thinking back, it was really the joy of the Lord that brought me through the difficult times. I would have been totally crushed if not for His joy. Even though I knew that the tough times didn't come to stay, it came to pass, it didn't really help me when I was in the thick of the attacks. It didn't comfort me, for all I needed was some relief. If I couldn't survive the now, what to talk about the future. No wonder God kept telling me that there is an after-this. Now I see the after-this. I saw that only by focusing on Jesus can I survive with joy in the trying times, the appointed valleys of life. It was a joy that bubbled up from within me, not dependent on my outward circumstances. I knew it because I started feeling joyful even before things started to improve on the outside.

After my grandma's passing, I knew that was the last missile the enemy had thrown me. With that last attempt, everything came to an end. He has totally lost the war and there was no way he could stop God's plan from coming to pass. Previously I couldn't be sure that was the last attack after each fiery dart the enemy threw me. I hoped that was the last attack and though I was declaring it, I wasn't fully convinced. But this time round, I was convinced that the enemy had run out of ammo and time. His end is up, that was it. Death ended it all. It was Christ's death on the cross that totally defeated the devil.

God's recent messages also talked about completion, finishing the race, promotion and rewards coming. With the coming of a new season, that was how I became convinced that the past season is now no more. I was told to let go of the past so as to embrace the future. My best days are yet to be. That was also how I knew that after being through the fire and the water, God is bringing me to a place of fulfilment and abundance. Not only that, He is speeding things up from now on. Hallelujah praise the Lord!