Pastor preached a very powerful sermon in end Mar about why people get discouraged. He said that whenever we take our eyes off Jesus, we will be overwhelmed by our circumstances. Whenever we focus more on the visible, we will forget about the invisible, what God has done for us in the past. Everyone is susceptible to falling. Even the ones with great faith. You can be walking in faith yesterday only to find yourself feeling discouraged today. We are all prone to depression at some point. Whenever we put our eyes on the visible, the devil has us where he wanted.
I thought about those times when I got so discouraged was because my eyes were on the circumstances. I was already weary because I had come a long way and yet there were still attacks. But as long as I kept looking at my circumstances, why there hasn't been a turnaround, why things hadn't change after so long I would become more discouraged. Everyday I would wake up straining to see the slightest sign of change. Just like how Elijah told his servant to go seven times and see if rain was coming.
He prayed hard, so to speak for rain to come and couldn't quite believe it when God told him so. Hence he kept asking his servant to check for any sign of rain. But when he prayed for a drought, he didn't even doubt. He just declared that 'as surely as the Lord lives, at the sound of my voice there shall be no rain for 3.5 years.' He was that confident God would do what He said. Pastor commented that God worked in cycles of seven so even this judgement was meted out in mercy. God cut it down by half the time.
I thought about what I had been chasing all these years, what I had been earnestly looking out for. Being expectant of what God told me was quite different from focusing too much on the circumstances. Whenever my eyes are on the visible, I get snared by the enemy's traps. Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see. Faith is not only when you see what God said coming to pass. You don't need faith if the word came to pass.
When my joy and peace is dependent on whether the thing I believe God for come to pass or not, then it's on unshakable grounds. The enemy can hold me hostage and take me for a field day any time. He can push my buttons by causing all kinds of frustrating situations to come my way. Remember that the natural realm is subject to his control. But if we cross over to the spirit realm, that's when he is defeated every time. I realised the more anxious I get over my natural circumstances, the more I was ensnared by the enemy.
That was a time in Feb/Mar I was so easily affected by what I saw that I was prone to depression. I would get up one morning feeling joyful but the next day I would be moody. My emotions were that unstable. That was why I had no choice but to go back to hearing the sermons. It was my only lifeline. The only way out of my troubles. It was only when I hear the word of God that my mind didn't go haywire thinking all sorts of negative thoughts. Or else I could not make it through that dark period.
And when I felt my moods getting down, I would reach for the MP3. Only after hearing the word would I gain some relief and comfort. Only after that would my mood be lifted up. But as I kept on meditating on God's word, something happened to me. It no longer became a lifeline but a great enjoyment. I began to hunger more of the word. I found refuge and solace in the word. I could finally focus on Jesus while meditating on the word. As I put my eyes back on Jesus, gradually I became less affected by my circumstances.
I came to a point where I didn't bother whether my circumstances had changed or not. My joy and peace wasn't dependent on such things anymore. I was contented to feed on His word just like this for as long as I could. His word become more real in my life than the natural circumstances. After a while I didn't really care if things moved on or not, as I found my peace in hearing the word. If things moved I would of course be very happy and grateful to God. But it was more like peaceful than joyful.
It was like days of heaven on earth when I had the consciousness of what Jesus had done for me at the cross. Peace is truly forgiveness enjoyed. When I was conscious of my righteousness in Christ, I found myself flowing effortlessly in the spirit as well. It was painful to be so conscious of self, so fixated on the outward circumstances. But when the light was shone on these dark areas, I felt like the chains were broken. Jesus set me free from the prison of my mind.
It was really a freeing way to live life. It didn't matter to me whether my promise manifested yet or when it would manifest. My happiness wasn't dependent on this promise coming to fulfilment. So long as the stronghold had been destroyed I was sure it would manifest very soon. I remembered that God said this manifestation wasn't as spectacular as the age old strongholds being destroyed. Now I understand what God meant. To be set free from that prison is really an awesome victory Christ has wrought for me.
So now my mind is renewed, I can stand tall and walk with my head lifted up whenever this question of when the promise is going to come to pass pops up. It isn't my problem anymore, it is His problem. In any case so long as I am happy and enjoy my life, then who is to say that I am suffering because of this long wait? Besides God already said my waiting is coming to an end.Who would pity me if I don't feel sorry for myself? In fact I felt blessed because of the delay and attacks, I had become a gainer. My character was built up and my youth was renewed. Restoration is coming my way. Payback time is here. I will find myself being blessed much more than I lost.