Remembering the Lord (Part II)

This process of re-tracing the past 3 years of my life was so rich that I felt I needed to write more. While reading the book 'You Were Made For More' by Jim Cymbala, I really can understand what he meant when he talked about going through tough times. He talked about how such challenges and difficulties produce a number of benefits in our lives.

Firstly, such hardships produce iron in our souls. These experiences cause new kinds of growth, producing tenacity and endurance. In the process of waiting, I sometimes question my relationship with God or whether I was hearing His voice correctly. I thought I was doing what I should but God still wasn't coming through for me (or at least I thought). Other times I would condemn myself for doubting God's promise or that my faith was not high enough. Either way it was painful because the focus was on self. But now I know that such tough times are indicators that God is preparing me for something special down the road. God is honing my spiritual muscles through these resistances in my life; He is building my spiritual growth. What kept me going on despite the confusion and frustration was that God loves me more than I can imagine and that He is a good God.

Secondly, these difficult times give birth to the practice of prayer on a whole new level. I called out to God so many times like never before. I was so desperate for God to answer me: when is my next season coming, why is it not happening yet... The sense of weakness (that I cannot help myself) was what brought me to the throne of grace in times of need. These are like catalysts that brought me closer to God. Once when I was so disappointed, I told God I don't even want an answer for the delay, I just want Jesus. I finally came to a point when I esteemed Jesus far above the things I desired or even God's promises for my life. These blessings of God are precious to me but they can never take the place of my Lord Jesus, the Blessor.

Thirdly, such hardships give us a story to tell.  Indeed God is recently telling me to create memorial stones out of this experience of waiting for His promises, to make sure my children catch the importance of this journey. It is truly about God's miraculous power in my life and His faithfulness to me at times when I don't know where to turn to. One day my testimony would be even made known to the nations through my publications. In future, someone who is going through difficult times will be inspired and encouraged by my story, just like how the Exodus story inspired the Jews until today. God knew that His people may not always relate to His Word but similar experiences always serve to connect and encourage. God must have allowed such experiences in my life for a good purpose.

Eventually I learnt that what God does in my life is not just about me, myself and I. He is doing things that will overflow to the lives of others through our testimonies of His faithfulness. Through these testimonies, the victories of the past will be put to strategic use in the future. In the final analysis, I learnt that everything in my life is really about God and His Son, Jesus.

Remember the Lord (Part I)

I realised I have not been blogging for nearly 3 weeks. Recently I have been busy re-tracing the journey for the past 3 years: 2008-2010. I kept a handwritten journal for those years and I have been typing these entries in my laptop. It seemed like God was telling me to remember Him in the journey that He walked with me. In Deut. 8:2, the scriptures say 'And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these 40 years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.'

I have always thought that this process of waiting for my second child was a timing issue. Now I saw it clearly. It was not a timing issue. It was a faith issue. In fact, God told me in Jan 2008 when I asked Him about His will for my next season, He said 'Can I not show you? I want you to trust me. This is a faith test.' Indeed this whole journey had been a faith test rather than a timing issue. God 'chastened' me in these years so that He might make me know that man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord. (Deut. 8:3)

Honestly I do not think that the Lord does not know what was on my heart - just that He needs to show me what was on my heart when being tested. Joyce Meyer said that many people think that they are godly but they will never know how they respond until they passed the faith test. Indeed these few years of waiting were likened to the wilderness for me and thank God He was merciful to cut short the wilderness period! It was truly a humbling process and I came to the end of myself many times. I came to the point I thoroughly experienced that I am nothing without Christ and I can do nothing. Yet on the other spectrum, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

God wants me to walk in His ways and to fellowship intimately with Him because He is bringing me into a good land, a land flowing with milk and honey. I learnt that the Lord was testing me to do me good in the end as the whole process of chastening, though painful at that time, yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it (Heb. 12:11) He never meant to destroy my faith in the process but to bring it to a higher level where my heart is established in righteousness.

God also wants me to remember that it is the Lord who gives me power to get wealth (Deut. 8:28), so He may establish His covenant He swore to Abraham. It would be really heart-breaking for Him to see me proud, thinking that the power and the might of my hand have gained me this wealth. He is such a good God. He doesn't want all these material things to draw me away from Him because He knows that without this vital connection with Him, all I have will be a form of godliness yet denying its true power.

Oh, how mistaken God is, especially when believers go through the wilderness, the chastening! They might be disappointed with God, thinking that He is callous and heartless but He allowed all that to happen for a good cause. It's just that at the point of testing we cannot see how things will work for our good. I have been through the desert and now I thank God I am out of it finally. I can testify that He is faithful and He will work things out for our good. I see it now, on hindsight. Thank you Lord. Thank you Jesus. 

Jesus Enters into Our Pains and Delivers Us

Pain and heartache have a way of isolating people. When you are in pain or hurting, you will always think that you are the only one going through it. That's what the devil wants you to think because if he can cause you to leave the Body of Christ, you will then become an easy target. The fact is that many others are also going through similar situations although on the surface it really doesn't look like it. That's why the Lord tells me not to look at appearances as they can be deceiving. The Lord searches much deeper within through the way things appear; He is looking into our hearts. Beneath that facade or that smiling face is a heart that is hurting so badly yet no one sees or knows. How much more painful and lonely can it get?

Dear brothers and sisters, be encouraged that the Lord knows. When you come to God, you can be sure He understands and can identify with your pain. Afterall He has suffered the greatest pain in history when He turned His back on His only beloved Son on the cross. Besides, Jesus took all our sins, heartaches, pain, diseases and every vile thing when He died on the cross. Be it a loss of loved ones, health, relationship, baby, career, money, time or anything, Jesus has been there before. He weeps with you when you weep (John 11:35). In the story of Lazarus' death, even though Jesus would be raising Lazarus in a short while, He still wept when He saw the Jews weeping.

Jesus enters into our pains and then He delivers us. He always has the power to deliver us. Even if it is not a real loss but it's just your fear, confusion, disappointment or a hope deferred, Jesus alone can satisfy. For me, sometimes I was so disappointed and confused when what I believed has not come to pass yet, I don't even want an answer. I just want Jesus in those moments of great distress. It's like how a crying baby doesn't need to know what's bothering him, all he needs is the gentle touch and the comforting coos by his mummy. God's love alone can cure all our wounds, dispel all our fears and clear all our confusion. And for me, that's all I needed. How about you?

Celebrating Joshua's 5th birthday

I was wondering whether we should keep this celebration to a small affair, inviting only family members or whether we should organise a birthday party at the clubhouse inviting relatives and friends. Actually my main concern was really the budget for this celebration. Celebrating it on a bigger scale would mean more money to be spent and during this period, cashflow tends to be tighter because of all the insurance premiums we had to pay.

Anyway, I sought the Lord on this and His reply was that Joshua's 5th birthday is a significant milestone and hence we should celebrate it big time. Besides, most of my relatives had not been to our new home before so it could also be like a housewarming event. The Lord told me not to worry about the budget for He will provide for it.

And so we held this big birthday party last Saturday and Joshua had so much fun. He was blessed with many presents and ang pows (red packets) from loving relatives and friends. God is really so good. Indeed with the money from the ang pows, we were able to cover the cost of the buffet, the birthday cake and also the booking fee for the clubhouse. On top of that, Joshua still received many presents. God has provided exceedingly and abundantly! All praise to the Lord!