This process of re-tracing the past 3 years of my life was so rich that I felt I needed to write more. While reading the book 'You Were Made For More' by Jim Cymbala, I really can understand what he meant when he talked about going through tough times. He talked about how such challenges and difficulties produce a number of benefits in our lives.
Firstly, such hardships produce iron in our souls. These experiences cause new kinds of growth, producing tenacity and endurance. In the process of waiting, I sometimes question my relationship with God or whether I was hearing His voice correctly. I thought I was doing what I should but God still wasn't coming through for me (or at least I thought). Other times I would condemn myself for doubting God's promise or that my faith was not high enough. Either way it was painful because the focus was on self. But now I know that such tough times are indicators that God is preparing me for something special down the road. God is honing my spiritual muscles through these resistances in my life; He is building my spiritual growth. What kept me going on despite the confusion and frustration was that God loves me more than I can imagine and that He is a good God.
Secondly, these difficult times give birth to the practice of prayer on a whole new level. I called out to God so many times like never before. I was so desperate for God to answer me: when is my next season coming, why is it not happening yet... The sense of weakness (that I cannot help myself) was what brought me to the throne of grace in times of need. These are like catalysts that brought me closer to God. Once when I was so disappointed, I told God I don't even want an answer for the delay, I just want Jesus. I finally came to a point when I esteemed Jesus far above the things I desired or even God's promises for my life. These blessings of God are precious to me but they can never take the place of my Lord Jesus, the Blessor.
Thirdly, such hardships give us a story to tell. Indeed God is recently telling me to create memorial stones out of this experience of waiting for His promises, to make sure my children catch the importance of this journey. It is truly about God's miraculous power in my life and His faithfulness to me at times when I don't know where to turn to. One day my testimony would be even made known to the nations through my publications. In future, someone who is going through difficult times will be inspired and encouraged by my story, just like how the Exodus story inspired the Jews until today. God knew that His people may not always relate to His Word but similar experiences always serve to connect and encourage. God must have allowed such experiences in my life for a good purpose.
Eventually I learnt that what God does in my life is not just about me, myself and I. He is doing things that will overflow to the lives of others through our testimonies of His faithfulness. Through these testimonies, the victories of the past will be put to strategic use in the future. In the final analysis, I learnt that everything in my life is really about God and His Son, Jesus.
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