It was an intense three days for us as parents as we accompanied Joshua to his primary school last week. I always wondered why parents liked to make it a big deal when their kids go primary one. Now as I go through this experience, I must confess that it is a big deal. The transition from pre-school to primary school is a big one. Not only do the kids have to stay longer in school, they have to learn to be more independent than before. They have to take care of their belongings, take note of what teachers tell them, buy their food at canteen and make new friends in a big place, unlike their kindergarten.
It is a significant milestone in Joshua's life as he transitions to primary school and I prayed that these few days would be a good memory for him. Once he started on a good note, then the rest of the primary school days would be more like clockwork. As we watched him get on his school bus on the first day of school, we were more anxious than him. Would he cry? Would he miss us? Would he make new friends? How would he feel in a big school with all strangers around him?
I tell you to my shame, though I trusted and believed God to take care of him, it was still very difficult to let go. Afterall, this boy is so precious to me. I could never thank God enough for this baby when he was born. It is so amazing to see him grow each day. I never knew how precious he is to me until recently. I missed him so much when he went to school. I was so concerned about his well-being in school that I worried unnecessarily and fell sick. I want to see him happy and enjoy school. When I saw him happy and adjusting well in school, that makes my heart sing and shout for joy. Even though Joshua is quite shy and reserved, we prayed for him to be bold. God answered our prayers. He asked someone to be his friend on the first day and now he has three new friends. What a marvelous thing the Lord has done for me!
Then the Lord spoke to me...He said 'Just as you have grown so close and attached to Joshua all these while as you stayed home, did you realize that I have grown so close and attached to you too? Your intense feelings for Joshua is only a small fraction compared to what I feel about you. Did you know you have become so much more precious to me? Yes, Joshua is already precious when he was born. But you cannot imagine how much more can that love for him grow right? Yet it did. No matter how intensely in love with him when he was born, your feelings for him far surpassed that in the beginning.'
I was already crying when He continued 'So it is for Me. Yes, when you were first saved, my feelings for you were already intense. But as you took time to spend with Me, listen to Me, sit at My feet, listen to My heartbeat...oh how much more did that love grow! Your well being is also My well being. Seeing you happy and adjusted lights up my face like you can never imagine. But when I see you sad or fearful or cry out your heart, it is like a knife piercing through my heart. My beloved daughter, do you not know that you are like a piece of My heart's flesh walking around outside of Me? Just as nothing can affect you more than Joshua, nothing can affect Me more than you. My eyes are always on you. There can be a million others around you but I only have eyes on you. Just like how all the other children did not matter to you except Joshua right? Your eyes are always on the lookout for him and got fixated on him once you see him.'
The Lord said 'Look at you! You are so blessed, you know. You have My heart, you know My intimate thoughts and you have My mind. You think about the things I think about, you feel strongly about the things I feel about...you respond quickly when I speak to you. Do you know what I would do for someone like that? Everything! I will not hold back anything from you because I trust you. Yes, this time of fellowship with you, I saw how you chose to honor Me...so many times when your heart hurts like crazy. You even chose to think that you are the one who missed it when what you hoped to see did not come to pass. You refuse to say that I did not honor My Word or that My Word is not true. You still wanted to protect My name and My reputation. When you were in doubts, you still never cause one of my sheep to stumble or feel in anyway that I am not a good God. No matter how disappointed you felt, you always say your circumstances do not negate the fact that I am a good God and My word is true. Do you have any idea at all how proud and how pleased I am with you?'
Dear brethren, these things that the Lord shared with me I could share freely with you because I want you to know that is how the Lord looked at you too. No matter how far we have strayed, how many mistakes we have made, the Lord is still loving us, beckoning us to His side. We are so precious in His eyes, we can never imagine on this side of heaven. When we start to see ourselves as how He sees us, this revelation will totally transform your lives. I can testify to it. His love and how He views us makes us champions in life even though we used to be cowards. I really hope that each one of you can discover how you look to God...be surprised, very surprised and what He reveals to you!
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