The other day I was reading my 2011 blog posts. I was surprised to notice that God was telling me many of the same things He is saying now! This meant that I haven't really moved on from that mountain all these years. By right He shouldn't be telling me the same thing years ago. I should have moved on, He should have been telling me other things now. After so many years, I was still on the topic of season change and transition times. I guess the timing issue has been a stronghold for not only I have problems accepting His timing, I also had much difficulty discerning if my time has really come.
This was compounded by the fact that a long time has passed and I have mistaken so many times that this was it when it still wasn't the appointed time. Maybe in my heart I so desperately wanted my time to come that I psyched myself to believe it. Did God ever try to tell me it wasn't so? Or was it only on hindsight that I realized He was trying to tell me it wasn't so yet I wouldn't listen. But I guess I was just so ready to embrace the tiniest possibility that my time has come. I was so ready to raise my hopes knowing full well that I might be disappointed later on. I carried on like this for many years until this year.
Somehow I decided to take a different stance. I decided not to be desperate but to be nonchalant. I decided I shall not easily believe that my time has come unless God proved it to me. Unless He managed to convince me. I don't want to misinterpret Him on this matter anymore. And so I put the onus on Him to persuade me. I don't want to jump to conclusions or blindly step out in faith unless I was so sure that He had spoken. I rather wait than to step out amiss. Chances that I miss His timing are far lesser than me stepping out and falling flat on my face.
On hindsight, I realized that the enemy could press my button in a certain area of my life because I had allowed him to. It was due to the stronghold in my mind. I guess when God said He wouldn't show me His will for my next season in 2008 because He wanted me to trust Him, the enemy planted a lie since then. His lie was that I will never know God's will or the exact timing of this promise. And ever since then, the enemy has been torturing me on this point that I couldn't know His timing. Just because God said He wouldn't show me His will then doesn't mean it's forever. There would come a time (and it has happened) that He came and revealed to me His will for my next season without me asking for it.
For whatever reason that God couldn't reveal to me His will back in 2008, I trust that it must be for my own good. Perhaps I would have given up if He revealed to me that I must wait so long for this promise. Or what would I have done in the interim? Would I have continued to seek Him for my next steps? Or maybe by revealing His timing for this promise, it would have created a bigger stronghold for I would always be referring to the appointed time as somewhere very far in the future. The truth of the matter is when my appointed time comes, there is no reason for God to hide it from me. When the fullness of time has come, God will surely tell me what I need to know about the timing, so that I could agree with Him, cooperate with Him and declare the thing He is bringing to pass in my life.
I noticed that for many people, when God sent them a vision or prophecy, He usually doesn't reveal when it will happen. I guess He doesn't want us to be fixated on this certain time in our future. He wants us to live in the present, savor the moment, live dependent on His leading everyday. Usually when people first received that prophetic word from God, they always assume that this will take place very soon in the future. But when it didn't happen and things got more difficult instead, they got all disillusioned or bitter. What they didn't realize was the devil was trying to steal that word, that vision from their heart. So when they gave up believing God for that vision, the enemy succeeded. Most people may have no problem believing the vision no matter how impossible it seemed. What I find common is that they will face problems when they realized that there is an appointed time for the fulfillment and that time isn't always revealed to them. They usually won't know how long to wait. Now that may be a great uncertainty to many people who must have some control over their lives, like me in the past.
That's why Hab 2:3 was written to encourage them to press on in their faith, keeping in mind that the vision awaits an appointed time but it will surely come and not delay. What people need to know is there is usually a process leading up to the fulfillment of that vision. It may be fast or slow but nevertheless it is a necessary process when God prepares you for that blessing. That is why it is called is a fight of faith. If it happens soon enough, well and good. But the question remains: if it tarries, will you be willing to wait for it, until it happens. Yes, God's gifts and calling for our lives are irrevocable but the actual fulfillment of it still depended on our response to a certain extent. Because God has given us free choice and we can choose not to wait, or to give up on that vision. We can say no to His plan for our lives, because it was getting too tough or too painful to carry on believing.
Let me tell you what is more painful. The death of a dream. The end of all hopes for what you have been believing God for. Somehow you know God has indeed spoken, given you His promise but yet you chose to give it up. When you did that, one part of you died for you will never know how it feels like when that dream is fulfilled. You will live life always wondering what would have happened if you have persevered till this promise came to pass. Yes, you may get momentary relief from the resistance or the pain but this dream may haunt you for the rest of your life. Of course at some point you may come to the place of peace. But as for me, I rather choose to persevere till I see this promise fulfilled in my life. I know when that day comes, all that I have gone through would be nothing compared to the joy of holding this promise in your hands. The joy of entering into all that God has prepared us for.
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