NOT AN OPTION

Recently I had this recurring thought. I have come to realise that when God gave me a promise in my life, it was actually an imperative. A command. This promise is not something good to have but a necessity in my life. When God gave that promise, it was as good as a done deal. I saw how time should not have an impact on the promise. So no matter how long we have to wait, we just don’t have the option to give up or walk away. 

Just like what one brother recently shared in group chat, a believer ought to have no right of his own since he belongs to Jesus and He is the Master while we are the slaves. Yet the Lord doesn’t treat us like slaves but like his friends. Initially I didn’t agree with him when he first said Christians had no right to make a choice. He then clarified that while we have no right to make a choice whether to obey the word but we have the power to choose whether to obey.

Of course God gave us free will to choose. So some people will choose to walk away from that promise when they feel it was taking far too long. But to me, I just can’t seem to give up or walk away. It then occurred to me that God won’t let the promise die. His word is shut up like fire in my bones. I cannot let go no matter how disappointed or heartbroken I was. No matter how many times I was burnt over this issue, I still had to get my hopes back.

Then I read Lana’s post on 14 Jan and her words bore witness to what I felt in my spirit. It is a confidence in you that has been forged in the fire that REFUSES TO LET GO. No matter what you have walked, the heat of the fire, in the weariness, in the discouragement, in the battle, even when you have wanted to give up, there is a fire growing in you that you haven’t been able to understand that says “I WILL NOT LET GO”. Even on the days you have wanted to run away, the fire within you rises again. “I CANNOT LET GO!” 

The reason why I couldn’t give up on this promise was because I saw in the spiritual realm that it had already been given. This promise had long been given to me. That was why every time I felt like letting go, God would send people to remind me of the promise. Several of them had already seen the promise in the spirit realm too. It wasn’t a coincidence. Other than God sending His word to keep me on track, He also sent people to encourage me.

It was only now that I saw how I didn’t have an option to give up. Indeed no matter how long it took, how old I was, if God came to me and said now is the time to birth this promise, I will still have to deliver it. I kept thinking there was an expiry date to this promise because it seemed to be tied to my age. But isn’t all promises tied to our ages? Say for those whom God has called them to start a business or enter full time. Wouldn’t they also think about how old they were and whether they had the energy to start all over again?  

Well, I have come to see that it is all the same with the promises that God gives us. As natural beings, we tend to look at our age. Yet time is of no effect to God. He controls time. He can reverse the effects of ageing in our lives and restore our strength. Make us young again. Didn’t you think Caleb also had thought about how he was already 85 years old so how could he fight the giants dwelling in Hebron?

I was sure that crossed his mind but it wasn’t what he meditated on. His mind was focused on how God had already promised him this mountain 40 years ago. This was what he had been replaying in his mind all the time. His face was set like flint on this mountain. No one could talk him out of taking his inheritance. He was that determined. He probably told himself that as long as he had breath, he can take that mountain.

I wondered if I could say that too. As long as I am still living, I can do His will. Yes, regardless of my age. But thank God He is merciful. He saw that I had waited long enough and suffered much over time. He also knew that we didn’t have the luxury of time to wait another decade because the times are short. Jesus is coming back. A decade is long enough for Him to do whatever He needs to prepare me for the coming assignments.

As a servant of God, my life is sold out to Jesus. I really have no control over what I want to do for my life. I saw how my plans went down the rubbish chute for the past 12 years and yet I didn’t regret it. I saw how it was a good thing and everything went according to His plan. Not my will be done but His. After all He sees my future and has my best interests at heart. All God wants is to do good to me.