This is the exam period. It started two weeks ago with the oral exams. Last week Joshua had the listening comprehension and composition. Next week will be the main papers for English and Chinese, Math and Science. After next Wednesday, all the preparations will be considered over. I now understand what parents are going through when they talk about the stress during exam period.
Before Joshua started his primary school, I always remind myself not to be a 'kiasu' parent. And I was generally quite relaxed during his lower primary years. That was because they had no exams in primary one and in primary two, they had only one exam at the end of the year. I wasn't quite sure what to prepare him for his year end exam so I didn't do much; hence I wasn't stressed.
In primary three, I realised that the learning pace has somewhat doubled. First of all, there is more homework than before. Secondly, the expectation of the teachers is much higher because they are now in upper primary. Thirdly, there is an additional subject called Science. Thank God that Joshua is doing well in his math and science subjects. But he needs help in the languages, especially in oral and composition writing.
Besides, I discover that the standards of his classmates are really quite high, not that I want to compare. I keep telling myself that he is running his own race and as long as he improves in his own grades, I will be happy. But honestly, the standards of his classmates have given me an idea of his standard. At least I have a benchmark and I can better gauge which are the areas he is weaker in and needs more help.
The practice papers in his school also gave me a better idea about his current level and highlighted the areas I needed to work on him. Somehow maybe I knew that he could be stretched, I kind of expected more from him too. But in the process I got stressed up subconsciously, which was something I didn't want. I told myself many times to let go to God but at times I still get sucked in. And I would feel lousy when I fell into that trap but God gently reminded me that I shouldn't be pegging Joshua's performance to the standards of the education system.
Of course as children of God we hope our kids will excel in everything they do but what if they don't live up to our expectations? That's when grace comes in. Grace is loving our children the way God made them even when they fail. Besides, grades are not everything in life. The favour of God is the determining factor for success or failure. I thank God that in those areas when we are weak in, there is superabounding grace.
And so, I decided that I would do what I can in the natural to help Joshua to prepare for his exams but leave the outcome to God. I tried my best not to push him too hard to do those assessments but sometimes I relied too much on my self efforts. Yet I really could not be sure if all my efforts to help him really made a difference because unless the Lord builds the house, we the labourers labor in vain. All I ask is for God to bless the work of my hands. And I enter into rest.
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