I just watched a TV program that talked about the dilemma of a stay home mum trying to return to the work force. The program also interviewed two ladies and a guy on their opinions of what is blessedness to them. One lady is a mother of three kids and her hubby is a pilot. Even though she was ambitious and wanted to have a career of her own, circumstances made it difficult for her to balance work and family. After the birth of her third child, she decided to quit and stay home full time. Her hubby was very busy so someone needed to be at home to take care of the family and it had to be her.
Then another guy was saying in the past he used to think it would be good for his wife to stay home and take care of the kids, rather than leaving them to the care of a maid. But after their second child was born, finances were tight so his wife had to go back to work. The kids were to be taken care by his mother-in-law. But they had to tell with her what parenting methods to use, how to teach their kids etc. Somehow I feel that the couple may have to compromise a bit if they leave their kids to the care of grandparents. The couple will have to make the best of that situation by communicating to the grandparents about their parenting preferences. But the husband believes that it is possible for a mum to balance work and family.
Actually when I went back to part time work in 2013, I could do my work well and take care of my family. But there was one problem. I overstretched myself. I was burning the candles on both ends and I was at risk of being burnt out. I didn't think I could do this for long. Something would eventually give way and I didn't want it to be my family. Eventually I decided not to renew my part time contract because I really couldn't manage work and family well.
But even so, staying home wasn't exactly a bed of roses either. From a career woman to a stay home mum, one could suddenly feel a loss. Loss of identity, loss of self-worth, loss of purpose in life, loss of a sense of achievement etc. Or one could get so bored at home and yearn for some work to do. It then occurred to me that even though I thought I welcomed my stay home season in 2011, I wasn't quite adjusted to it. It was a good respite from the hectic working life, a kind of release, but I realised I wasn't that ready to stay home.
It was like it took only one day for the Israelites to leave Egypt but it took the Israelites 40 years to get Egypt out of them. I always thought I was ready for a stay home season but actually I wasn't. I didn't know what to expect and I wasn't prepared for it. Hence after a while, I got bored and started thinking about work again. I asked God to let me go back to work, any part time work will do. Just to kill time and to have some social life.
And so, God released me to go back to part time work in June 2013. I was really excited and happy to be working again. For a while, I felt very fulfilled and happy. I felt like my life finally had a purpose. I would look at those stay home mums in my community and feel 'superior' to them. At least I had a job. It didn't matter how many kids they have or that I was still waiting for my promise. The excitement and fulfilment in my work actually made up for it all.
But this bliss didn't last long. In fact, the next month I was beginning to feel the strain. Those feelings of fulfilment and happiness soon faded away. And as time went by, things got tougher and I began to regret my coming back to work. Why was I so foolish to give up my leisurely time to work? Why did I make myself work so hard and end up so tired? It wasn't even that I needed the money. Now that I was already in it, I couldn't even get out of it. I just got to bite my lips and press on toward the end. It wasn't my nature to give up halfway. Thank God He strengthened me to complete that assignment.
So right after that work stint, I was finally happy to be back staying home. From then on I didn't feel bored and I never asked God to let me go back to work. I was learning how to enjoy my stay home days. It took three years to get working life out of me. Can't believe it right? After all, I have worked for 15 years, so don't think that I would get used to staying home in a short time! From this, I realised that change takes time, especially changing of a person's direction and lifestyle. We need to give God time to work in our lives, to get the Egypt out of us through the daily renewal of our minds.
Again it was after that stint that I renewed my desire to stay home for another season, without pining for work this time. Actually I think that renewal of my desire was important because God was moving me on to a childbearing season. I was just wondering if I had conceived straight after leaving my full time job and given birth in 2011, I might still not be fulfilled in my role of taking care of my baby. I might be hoping for baby to grow up quickly so I could go back to work or ministry. In the end I might not enjoy parenting. I am so grateful to God for preparing all things for my enjoyment.
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