This made me think about God's heart for us. Sometimes when I was so disappointed and angry at God, I couldn't see His heart for me. I was so focused and fixated on seeing things happen the way I wanted that I failed to understand why God allowed these to happen. I was like a spoilt child who just wanted my way or I would be sulking the whole day.
But in recent years, even when I was very disappointed or disillusioned at times, I still couldn't help but see His heart, His mercies for me. I remembered there was once when I was so down and Heng brought me out for shopping just to get me out of the house. We were shopping at Takashimaya and God led me to a very good deal. It was this rice dispenser that I had been eyeing since Feb. The one I saw cost $99.90 then but this one I saw was only at $20! Of course I bought it! We also bought other kitchen stuff and my spirit was lifted up with all these good buys.
Another time was when I was feeling so bored with my mundane life, not seeing anything new happening. I told God I was sick and tired of seeing the same old things and I badly needed a change. After I cried out to Him, He quickly moved things and then I received notice of the Mothers' Fellowship meeting in mid Oct. I really appreciated that He heard my cries and answered me so quickly. I have learnt to see how God loves me by moving on my behalf, causing the haps to happen and making me happy.
I really don't think God loves to disappoint us. He wants to see us happy. Like an earthly father, He loves to give us good things. But at times He has to allow things to happen that could disappoint us in the process of growing us spiritually. In times like those, He even allowed Himself to be mistaken as a hard and callous God who didn't care. The truth is He does care so much. I remember reading in Cindy Jaocbs' word from the Lord about this.
God would say: there are things delayed in your life but I say no more delay. There are things that are long term harassments. Things that you have said: 'Lord, if You would do just this one thing, I would feel so loved.' Well, I am able to do that one thing, so do not let fear rise up in you. Don't let anxiety rule your life. For I have heard your prayers.
I heard your cry, I recorded it down. When you petition Me, I listen to you. I am always available to you. There are things in your life that have become very, very knotted, very tied to other things. So sometimes when you do not see me answer that one thing, I am in the process of untying other things that are in attachment to that one thing. But I am working, still working actively behind the scenes to bring that one thing to pass.
When I read this word, I cried, I was so touched by His love. It never occurred to me that God is not able to show me everything He is doing in my life at once. I may not be able to take it. It would be too much for me. But whatever He can show me, He definitely will, to encourage me. But He will never tell me how long I have to wait or how far is the journey because I will give up at the start if I know. Hence He has to reveal to me step by step, little by little. But once I crossed a milestone or made progress, He would have me look back and celebrate those milestones. He never failed to tell me how far I have come when I asked Him how long more I have to go.
When I read this word, I cried, I was so touched by His love. It never occurred to me that God is not able to show me everything He is doing in my life at once. I may not be able to take it. It would be too much for me. But whatever He can show me, He definitely will, to encourage me. But He will never tell me how long I have to wait or how far is the journey because I will give up at the start if I know. Hence He has to reveal to me step by step, little by little. But once I crossed a milestone or made progress, He would have me look back and celebrate those milestones. He never failed to tell me how far I have come when I asked Him how long more I have to go.
And in the meantime, whenever He can, He will release blessings along the way, be it big or small. It's just His way of encouraging me to press on, that I am on the right track. Those blessings never failed to bring joy and give strength to my weary soul. To know that He sees my pain and struggle, that He is doing something about it gives great comfort to my soul. I may not see the answer yet but at least I know He has not forgotten about it. He remembers and He is still working on it, to bring it to pass. I know there will come a day and I will look around and say 'I can't believe it happened. I can't believe it turned around.' Even bad things He will turn around for our good because this is who He is. A God whose heart is fullness of goodness.
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