Because I love you

There was a period of time I kept forgetting things, mainly the things pertaining to Joshua's school matters, especially spellings. I had been birated by my mum before for forgetting to teach Joshua spelling the day before and he did very badly as a result. Ever since then, I told myself to be more conscientious regarding his schoolwork. Especially now that I am a stay-home mum, all the more I should have the time to monitor his school work.

I did not realise I began to put myself under the law. I should be more careful. I should pay more attention to this and that. But the harder I try, the worse I seem to perform. The fear of being scolded by my mum haunted me because no one liked to feel condemned. At one point I was so concerned that others saw me as someone who did nothing at home, lazing around while they worked so hard. So I thought if I could not even do this small thing properly, then I am really quite lousy.

Once Joshua's spelling was brought forward by a day because of some celebrations in school. I totally forgot about that...we just came back from the chalet stay in Sentosa and it slipped my mind completely. Usually the Holy Spirit would remind me about these things that slipped my mind but that time I didn't get any prompting! I guess it was because I chose to rely on my flesh and missed the small still voice of the Spirit.

Well, thank God Joshua did not do so badly in his spelling but I felt like a failure. I cried and told Joshua that I was sorry I forgot to teach him the night before. I knew he would be disappointed because Joshua is quite a perfectionist and he is very conscientious when it came to his schoolwork.  I told him I was already trying my best to be conscientious but I still missed the mark. I felt totally hopeless...which was funny because it was just a small matter. God is so good. He showed me what grace is all about.

As I cried and asked Joshua if I was a lousy mum, Joshua said this: 'No, you are not a lousy mum because I love you.' I put myself under the law and my son gave me grace. Those words 'because I love you' has totally nothing to do with me or my performance. My son was saying how could I be lousy when he loved me so much? Immediately I felt God's love and His grace extended to me. It was like God saying 'You are so precious to Me not because you did so well or you were so great at keeping my laws. No, you are precious because I loved you and sent My Son to die for you.'

I had been sitting under grace teaching and blogging about grace but I still slip and come under the law at times. But it is during times like this that grace truly matters. It is when I have failed miserably but yet the Lord offered His grace that I am so grateful to Him. His heart is so full of love and mercy. That is why we call it amazing grace.