Stop comparing!

Recently, God told me to stop comparing yourself with my friends, simply because we are all made differently. Yes, for many years in the past, I hoped to be like them so I could belong to that group of mothers. I felt the need to belong and the need to assimilate. I never thought I was any different from my friends since young or maybe I was afraid to be different. I wanted to be well-liked, to be popular. Hence I spent many years trying to be similar to them...when they got married and had kids, I also wanted to join them in the parents' club. I did this not knowing that God has fashioned me so differently from them. 

But one day, after I became a mum, I could relate much better to them yet I found that I was still not fulfilled...somehow their talk about taking care of kids and maids etc did not interest me after a while. I was surprised to find that I was drifting away from them. I could not believe that my child was everything I could talk about in my life in that season.  Motherhood is already an overwhelming task...and even though I was very happy to finally become a mum, after a while, there was a vacuum in my heart.

I later realized what the vacuum was. I missed God. Being a mum took away much of my time fellowshipping with God and I also was not able to have a healthy intake of the Word in my previous church. I missed spending time with Him. I never knew that He had such an important role in my life. And I could not imagine my life to be only centering on my children in this season of childbearing, which is nothing wrong in itself. Maybe other ladies could but not me. This was the first time I felt so different from my friends and I wondered if there was anything wrong with me. 

 

I felt lonely because I could not fit into my usual group of friends. I asked God why this happened. I was so happy journeying with them all these years, from courtship to marriage to parenthood...what happened? I thought I was similar to them...but the circumstances in my life showed the desires of my heart very differently. I did not have an answer then and it was painful because I could not find another mother who was like me. I felt like a misfit.

 

Later on I realized that it had to do with God's calling for my life. For the many years that I was trying to conform to the profile of my good friends, I found out that it was not the real me. God made me very differently from my friends. He told me repeatedly there was no basis for comparison with them simply because He made us differently. I choose to think that I am special in His eyes and He has a special plan for me. One of my ex-colleagues commented that I am very different from other mums who loved to talk about their kids at every opportunity. Not that I don't love Joshua as much or that I am not proud of him, I am. It is just that my focus is not all about my son. But I found that given a chance, I can talk about God's love and Jesus all the time.

 

Thank God He brought me to New Creation Church and put me back into care group ministry. I was very encouraged to see that there are other mothers with young children who are still serving. Previously my mindset was that when I became a mum, I had to step down from public ministry. Because I could not see a way to take care of my baby and still serve. I had to take a backstage role. Yet the presence of these mothers encouraged me so much. The church allows them to take maternity leave for a while then they are back to serve. Even though sometimes it might be challenging, the Lord knows their heart's desire is to serve Him and He made it possible for them to continue serving, year after year. At the same time, the Lord takes very good care of their family, especially their kids so that they can have a peace of mind to serve. These female leaders also have very supportive husbands. 

 

God is really so good to me. He knows my heart's desire is to serve Him, regardless of whatever stage I am in my life. Serving really saves me. When I minister to the sheep, there is no room for self-pity or self-consciousness because the needs of the sheep always come first. Besides, it is through serving and interacting with the congregation that I saw my blessedness in Christ. This caused me to always maintain a thanksgiving heart. Serving is important to me regardless of what form it takes (taking care of your children at home is also an important ministry because you are nurturing the future generation of God) because Jesus came to serve and not to be served.

God knows I have a need to fellowship with Him, to have an intimate relationship with Him and He honors that. I have come to understand that seasons may come and go but ministry work will be a perennial season in my life. It has come to stay and I am confident that the Lord will make it possible for me to enjoy parenting and serving Him!