After the 7th year, the next crucial point was the 10th year mark of a marriage. At this time, the kids would have grown bigger and the couple might feel more distant as they focused their lives on their children neglecting the well being of their marriage. That was when red flags might arise in the marriage. It was just interesting because Heng and I were never keenly aware of those crucial stages of our marriage. Of course the Lord did preempt me about not neglecting my hubby before we had Joshua but it wasn't something that we were too concerned about.
I guess it was because both of us were usually looking to the interests of others, like our sheep in those years that we didn't pay so much attention to our own marriage. I really thank God that He preserved and sustained our marriage even through those tough times. Our focus on Jesus also helped to draw us closer to each other. I would think open communication is very important because without that, it will be difficult to sustain a marriage. The guests on the talk show shared about making time for each other and going on dates without the kids.
The question of whether divorce was an option to them came up. Some of them felt that if the other party really didn't want to live with them any longer, then it really wasn't a choice. Yet there were others who wouldn't consider divorce to be an option, reminding themselves of the marriage vows they once took. God said marriage is a covenant (till death do us part), not a contract, so divorce is clearly not an option for us.
God hates divorce because of the consequences on the couple and their children. I think nowadays many people put their interests and happiness first unlike in our parents' generation, they tended to stick to their marriage covenant. I had a friend who once told me she wanted a divorce because she wasn't happy in her marriage and her hubby wasn't meeting her needs. I asked her what about her children and she said they wouldn't be happy if they saw her unhappy. In a way it was true but yet it all sounded so sad.
In the course of our marriage journey, which is only 14 years, we have seen more of our friends and relatives divorcing than we expected. Actually to me, a divorce is already one too many. The very first case we came across was when we were married for just 4 years, which came as a big shock to us as the couple were married around the same time so we were quite close, preparing our wedding together. Over the years, I received news of more divorces which really shocked and saddened me. Some of them had kids, while others didn't.
Even for those who are still married, I know of a few ladies who are trapped in an unhappy marriage. They either didn't have the means to divorce or they stayed together for the sake of their children. Who knows what will happen when the children become adults, whether the couple will still stay together? That brought the discussion to another point as the talk show observed that yet another crucial point was after retirement. When the kids are grown up, when the couple have much more time together with each other, then the friction arises. They might decide on a divorce because they don't want to face their spouse for the remaining years of their life. They want to pursue their own happiness for once. This too will have a negative impact on the grown-up children.
At one point a question was posed to two ladies who had been married much longer. If their husbands weren't as successful as they are now, would the wives have stood by them? Actually I looked at both ladies and thought to myself: part of the reason behind their husband's success and achievements today was the support of these wonderful wives. I believe they didn't just marry that guy while he was rich and successful. They grew rich and successful together.
In the course of our marriage journey, which is only 14 years, we have seen more of our friends and relatives divorcing than we expected. Actually to me, a divorce is already one too many. The very first case we came across was when we were married for just 4 years, which came as a big shock to us as the couple were married around the same time so we were quite close, preparing our wedding together. Over the years, I received news of more divorces which really shocked and saddened me. Some of them had kids, while others didn't.
Even for those who are still married, I know of a few ladies who are trapped in an unhappy marriage. They either didn't have the means to divorce or they stayed together for the sake of their children. Who knows what will happen when the children become adults, whether the couple will still stay together? That brought the discussion to another point as the talk show observed that yet another crucial point was after retirement. When the kids are grown up, when the couple have much more time together with each other, then the friction arises. They might decide on a divorce because they don't want to face their spouse for the remaining years of their life. They want to pursue their own happiness for once. This too will have a negative impact on the grown-up children.
At one point a question was posed to two ladies who had been married much longer. If their husbands weren't as successful as they are now, would the wives have stood by them? Actually I looked at both ladies and thought to myself: part of the reason behind their husband's success and achievements today was the support of these wonderful wives. I believe they didn't just marry that guy while he was rich and successful. They grew rich and successful together.
Just like when I met Heng, he wasn't even a university graduate. He didn't have a promising career. Yet I saw that his character is good and that he has a heart to progress and upgrade. He wasn't lazy or resigned to fate. He was taking night classes for his accountancy degree then. I supported him by encouraging him to press on when he failed his subjects. Eventually he graduated but he was just starting out in his career. As for me, I was always earning more than him because I had a head start earlier than him. Yet he didn't mind this fact that I was doing better than him in our careers. He was so secure. That was what I admired about him.
In fact right up to the point when I quit my job to stay home, I was still earning more than him. So it was really a step of faith to rely on his income. But I remembered a lady in my old church telling me that when she stayed home full time to take care of the kids, God really blessed her husband's career. It was then that his career started to take off and he became one of the top management in the company. She said it was probably because her hubby had a peace of mind to focus on his career when he knew that he had someone to take care of the household. Yes, she was a virtuous wife and good mother, a godly woman who stood by her hubby.
Her testimony impacted me when I was just a young mother contemplating whether to stay home full-time. Eventually when the time came for me to quit my job, I was encouraged by her story. Today God has blessed Heng so much in his career that he has also become one of the top management. Heng said that initially he wasn't supportive of me quitting my job because of the finances but now he saw how God provided for our family over the years. He never regretted supporting my decision to stay home ever since. He also said the reason he could soar in his career was because he was assured that his wife was taking good care of the household and kid.
To me, I feel that I didn't marry a champion right from the start. I married a guy who later became a champion. We grow together in the Lord. Some woman may regret the choice of their spouse but really, if you don't stick with him and support him, he might never become the champion God intended him to be. If you as the wife don't believe in your hubby, then who will? Blessed is the woman who can see the God-given potential in her hubby, believe in him and help him become who God made him to be! It is for your own benefit that you help your hubby succeed in life because when he does well, you share in the fruits of that labor too.
When God created this world, everything was good. The only thing He said wasn't good was for man to be alone. Hence he created woman, who was to be a helper to man. She was in no way inferior to man but her role was to support her man. Together they will conquer and subdue the world. The most powerful prayer I believe was the power of agreement between a husband and wife. One can put a thousand to flight but two can put ten thousand to flight (Deuteronomy 32:30).
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