I AM SATISFIED

I read in Arise 5, another prophetic website about one article on 12 Oct, before Cheshvan started. The writer said 'I feel during this month of Cheshvan, the Lord really wants us to celebrate and rejoice. We have to be careful that we don’t just give mental assent to this, but actually do it. Furthermore, we need to go beyond just being happy in our hearts—we need to be demonstrative about it. Exuberant joy will result in much blessing. There is a curious, but definite connection between rejoicing and breakthrough. Since His word tells us to be demonstratively joyful, then we should do that. I felt the Lord speak strongly that we need to follow through on this exuberant, celebratory joy all month long.'

She then summarized it this way:
* Make deliberate choices to rejoice exuberantly this whole month. It’s important to not just inwardly or mentally agree, but to actually deliberately rejoice.
* Throughout the day, be sure to joyfully shout/declare, “I am satisfied.” Do this particularly when you find yourself lapsing into negative thought patterns or blaming yourself for why things aren’t going better. The shout will actually drive that negative out and may result in spiritual—if not physical—healing.

Before Cheshvan started, I also felt that God wants me to rejoice and celebrate and I have been getting recurrent messages about rejoicing and celebrating since the start of Cheshvan on 14 Oct, also the day my blog turned five. That was also the day of new beginning for me as I attended my first Mothers' Fellowship Group. I was feeling so happy, literally over the moon in early Oct because of two things. One of which was the notice about this Fellowship Group meeting as I had been waiting for it for more than a month. The other was about Joshua being selected for Gifted Programme Round 2.

It was so easy to rejoice and celebrate when we see God making things move or when we are blessed in big ways. But during the start of Cheshvan, I was feeling far from happy or joyful. In fact I was feeling very stretched and vulnerable. Though I was happy that a shift had finally occurred and new things begun springing up in our lives, I was also feeling jittery about the changes ahead. How contradictory can one get! Though I knew that joy is not dependent on my circumstance but it comes from being in His presence, it was still tough to rejoice when little foxes and resistance kept coming my way.

In this month of Cheshvan, I had to make tough decisions to exit a ministry I was so passionate about, closing the door behind me completely before I see the door ahead of me open. I also had to muster up courage to attend reunion gatherings which I had not gone for a long while. I had to put aside my self-consciousness. Not only that, I was disappointed to discover that Joshua didn't do well in one of his exam subjects. That grade was below my threshold and it took me a day to let it go.

The next day God told me that there was nothing more important than Joshua's happiness. And yes, I also agreed. I should give thanks to God for improvements in his other subjects rather than dwell on this disappointment. I also wanted Joshua to be happily learning in school and not give him undue pressure. After all he tried his best. Anyway this study year was over, so we just had to work towards improving this subject next year. I know that God will work all things out for our good.

I guess God has prepared me well before I knew the outcome of his Gifted Programme Round 2 selection. When Joshua came home that day and said he wasn't selected, I wasn't that disappointed. Though I must say we harboured hopes for his selection and even planned for a possible change of school, we just left it to the Lord. Hence I was relieved. At least we didn't have to make that difficult decision of whether to let Joshua change to another school. Joshua was relieved because he loved his current school and didn't want to change schools.

I thank God for this closed door for I believe God has Joshua's best interests. Besides, I was already very happy that he was selected for Round 2, to know that he is top 10% of his cohort. As for entrance into the Gifted Programme, I wasn't sure if it would be giving him too much pressure if he got in. I just wanted him to have a simple and happy childhood. Whether he got into the Gifted Programme or not was immaterial. He is still our beloved son and we love him all the same. Unless I was sure it was God's will then I know the grace will be there. But in this case, clearly it was a closed door.

In conclusion, I just want to say that even when things didn't go as I expected, I still decide to rejoice in the Lord. I have learnt to declare like the writer did: I am satisfied! I am contented! I give praise to the Lord for He is worship of our praises! This is my midnight praise before things start to turn around and manifest! This is my thanksgiving in advance for the answer I have been praying for, the breakthrough I wanted to see. This is my shout of victory! Praise the Lord!