I read this book 'Entrusting the Key' by Ali Smith. It took me two days to finish reading it. I couldn't help but wanted to continue to read on because much of what the author wrote ministered so much to me. Even though she was a single lady waiting to get married, her waiting journey was just so similar to mine, and many of the verses or word that she mentioned were exactly the one God gave me during this wait.
Through a third person perspective, I could see clearly what God was doing in her life. In doing so, I could then see clearly what He was doing in my life. Like when God gave her Psalms 46:10, it was because God wanted to connect with her. He wanted her to learn to be still before Him, to learn about Him and His ways. Then He would reveal to her the plans, visions, desires and dreams He had for her. It was needful to learn to seek the Lord and receive directions on our life.
For me, when He gave me this verse in Jan 2008, all I knew was He was taking me on a journey of trusting Him. It was a journey of faith, like Abraham. I didn't know what it entailed then. Later when I stayed home, I had more time to spend with the Lord. Slowly I also learnt how to keep still, do nothing but just be like Mary, sitting at Jesus' feet while the world passed me by. For most people, being busy and involved in activities was easy but keeping still was the hardest thing to do.
The Lord had to address this part of my flesh, always wanting to see some action, getting things done before I considered myself productive. This included my response to ministry work, always jumping in to help others. He was teaching me an object lesson about waiting. How waiting is not passive but active. I discovered that when I waited until God gave the directive, it would mean that the person has come to the end of himself and herself. So when I gave them the word at this point, I would usually see the results. This prevented me from running around like a headless chicken and suffering burnout.
It was also this time of keeping still before the Lord, shutting myself out from the hustle and bustle of the world that I learnt to hear His voice clearly. That I understood His heart of love more and knew about Him, having the mind of Christ. Being connected to Him, being able to hear His voice was the top priority and a discipline which is a must for all who sought to do His will. Even though I had been listening to His voice without much distraction from the world at home, I know He is preparing me for a time when He will release me back to the world. That will be the test of the pudding, whether I could be still and discern His voice in the midst of busyness, in the midst of many voices.
In the course of waiting, He was teaching me to rest and relax on green pastures and besides still waters. This is a luxury not available to many believers but not impossible. In future, when I go back to ministry work, I have to learn to seek rest and refreshment from the Lord on a regular basis so that I wouldn't be easily burnt out for ministry work is for the long haul. The Lord is transitioning me from a season when I could afford to spend lots of time with Him to a season when I would be busier. In this season, God would be teaching me to connect with Him throughout the entire day, not just restricted to the uninterrupted time of fellowship with Him in the mornings.
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